"Young man wanted for paid position...will pay up to TWENTY QUID A DAY!"

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"26 baby bunnies. I don't want to. I don't see the point in this"

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"You've been unconscious here for nearly three hours..."

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"A person with a heart could never kill 9 baby bunnies, so you do have too big a heart to..."

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"Well, it's not for me to judge you - We're all the same"

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"I tried to tell you, Pip. She's a vengeful, spiteful woman, who wanted nothing more than to see you hurt, along with the rest of the male sex."

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"Not so fast, you ugly, ancient bitch!"

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"Your benefactor wishes to remain anonymous"

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"Oh, what fun it is to splash about in the fountain!"

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"Let the transformation begin!"

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"Stop dreaming about me you slow-witted rectal belch"

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"Oh I don't know about that...I just like to keep to my blacksmithin'"

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"Pip, get over there and do whatever it takes to stop those blokes from crying"

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"We can't help it, you're boring us to tears..."

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"Hello. I'm a British person."

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"Because back then, you treated me like any other person; you weren't a snob and you helped my like you would a rich man".

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"Indeed, after watching this show you'll know the timeless classic as if you'd read the Cliffsnotes themselves"

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"Why, yes of course! You're the prowling little boy! Boy, what a smashing coincidence!"

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"Pray, come in!"

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"With HIM?... But he's just a commoner!"

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"You can keep a little girl company for 20 quid a day, Pip. And Old Mrs. Havesham is the wealthiest woman in the town."

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"...but Pip is not about to let Estella's soul be forever consumed by the Genesis device. And now the thrilling conclusion of Great Expectations!"

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"I'll rip off your arms and shove 'em up your arse!"

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"There's a dance at the Palace tomorrow night. Estella will be there. Go and seek her out. And love her. Love her!"

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"Aaah... Dickens. The imagery of cobblestone streets, craggy London buildings, and nutmeg-filled Yorkshire puddings."

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"This way, you pathetic squirt of vaginal discharge!"

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"Oh, whatever you do, please do not cry. Havesham's device fuels itself on your tears, I'm afraid."

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"We were all Estella's boyfriends at one time or another. Now we're doomed."

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"Do you think that a girl who is rich and educated would ever want to be with a blacksmith?"

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"Why, you look like an escaped convict. Did we breaky-wakys out of prison?"

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"As to our lodging, it's not by any means splendid. This is our sitting room - just chairs and tables and carpet and so forth."

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"Hmm, you quite fancy her, don't you?"

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"Pocket, may I ask you a favor? I am desperately trying to become a gentleman! For the love of a certain girl. So, will you please tell me if I do something wrong at the table?"

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"And now we come to the final act of the Dickens classic tale, inwhich the stage is set for an epic showdown."

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"It was here that Pip would finally and formally ask Estella to be his girlfriend. And all would be right with the world."

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"A lot of bloody good a fire poker's gonna do while I'm starvin' to death! Why don't you make us some bloody food to eat!"

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"You see, my foolish child, I'm growing very old. But tonight I will fuse my soul into Estella's once and for all. And then I can go on breaking men's hearts for another generation."

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"For years now, the character Pip has been featured prominently in the American show, South Park. However, many Americans don't realize where Pip came from."

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"And so you bang on this side, and bang on that side, and there you have it... Your very own metal fuzzy dice."

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"Oh, what a gay time we shall have, and I do mean gay as in festive, not as in penetration of the bum."

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"Well, don't you know about Ms. Havesham's melancholy past? Dear me, it's quite a story, and should be discussed over dinner."

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"And so Pip spent the next several months learning how to be a gentleman. He was schooled in several languages. He was taught fencing and marksmanship, and he was shown how to dance and eat box."

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"But it's getting dark, Mom and Dad. I'll see you again soon."

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"Well, the very next day, Pip went to Old Ms. Havesham's house to inquire about the job and it was there that he met the girl of his dreams."

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"Proud of himself, Pip decided to pay Ms. Havesham a visit, to thank her for her generosity, and to see if he was indeed, now, good enough for Estella."

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"Pip! A young gentleman! Of great expectations!"

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"And they all lived happily ever after. Except for Pocket, who died of hepatitis B... Until next time, I'm a British person. Good night."

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"It's… it's… the way it goes sometimes, Pip. He's… seventeen and has a car. I'm… I'm…very. I'm. Leaving."

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" And, do you still think I'm insulting?"

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"You have a heart! You've bought your own life! Come with me now!"

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"Oh, I have a heart to be shot or stabbed in, no doubt, and if it cease to beat I should cease to be, but you know what I mean. I have no softness there, no sympathy, sentiment."

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"A heartless person wouldn't care at all about this bunny. They'd just as soon break its neck."

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"Ello Mom. 'Ello Dad. It certainly is nice to see you again."

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"Allo, Pip. You remember me?"

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"Well, I suppose that if you set out to break my heart, you did a very good job of it. Because it certainly does hurt."

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"Who can catch me? Who can catch the ice-skating king? That's me."

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"Yes. I've become a gentleman. May I?"

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"If Ms. Havesham is determined to do this to others, let's go KICK HER ARSE!"

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"...And now I might mention, Pip, that in London it is not the custom to put the knife in the mouth."

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"Yes. Our young Pip had come a long way. From the apprentice of a blacksmith to a fine young gentleman of great expectations."

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"Do you know what love is, Pip? It is blind devotion, unquestioning self-humiliation, utter submission, trust and belief against yourself and against the whole world, giving up your whole heart and soul to snip it."

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"Sometimes they would play, sometimes they would talk. But every single day Pip's love for Estella grew."

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"What the hell's lovely about it?! Joe, teach this boy some bloody cynicsim!"

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"Quite the contrary, blacksmith. My revenge on the male race is only about to begin."

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"STOP your metal orange, you bastard! You never want a tablespoon of nigh'ingale droppin's, you me'al-poundin' fairy! And you! Why don't you ge' a job?! You're eight years old now!"

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"Oh. I see Joe once in a while. But I don't have much in common with him anymore, now that I'm a gentleman and all."

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"Shut up, you silly lip! What are we supposed to do with a metal newspaper?"

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"Wha' are you doin' 'ere, you little whippersham!"

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"Get out of that chair, you old cow!"

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"Oh, you silly small-testicled boy. Come, let us walk through the rose garden."

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"Yes, but just thnk about…panda bears! Oh, they're so cuddly and sweet, panda bears are. What silly little noses they have!"

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"Oh, but dear me! I beg your pardon! You're holding your bags all this time! Pray, let me take them! I'm quite ashamed!"

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"And I break from the tale now only to mention that one should never pass gas at the dinner table!"

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"Oh, you stupid pathetic boy!"

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"Yes, good. She will break his pathetic heart into a million pieces."

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"This way, you beef-witted shrivelled-up monkey's penis."

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"My, you're quite the gentleman now, aren't you?"

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"I sometimes have sick fancies. And I have a fancy I should like to see someone play. So, play. Play."

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"Estella, prepare yourself for the Genesis platform."

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"...Yes, and it is somewhat difficult to breathe."

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"You're an oozing, painful hemorrhoid that belches pus!"

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"She's become quite the lady. Would you like to see a picture of her?"

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"Come, Estella! You can't want to be part of this..."

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"Well, I guess Old Ms. Havesham won't be takin' any revenge on any more blokes, ey?"

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"Righto. Pip. Righto."

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"And as for you, Pip, my robot monkeys should take care of you!"

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"But, isn't it sad? Because Pip knew that someone as sophisticated and as wealthy as Estella could never love him, for he was just a simple blacksmith's apprentice."

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"That's right. You're safe and warm now."

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"...And the story ends, Pip, with me suggesting that one should never pull out the wee wee and check it for scabs whilst at the table."

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"'E's the one that sent you to London, Pip! 'E's the one who sent you off to be a gentleman!"

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"Our story is set in England, in the small town of Draffordshire-Upon-Topsmart, where a young blond-haired boy named Pip was on his way to see his parents."

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"Hey, wait a second. You mean that this whole thing was just a setup by your mom?"

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"We're going to play a little game called, 'Smack the Blond Boy In the Head With a Large Log.'"

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"Don't quite all smell the same, I'm afraid."

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"Is that so, you smelly little bastard?"

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"And so tonight, the makers of South Park have agreed to take a break from their regular show, and instead present the prestigious Dickens tale in its entirety from beginning to end."

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"And although she treated him like dirt, or perhaps because she treated him like dirt, Pip found himself more in love with the little girl each and every day. Oh, bless him! Isn't he lovely?"

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"Oh what fun it is to collect stamps! Lick the backs, put them into books all neat and tidy with those smashing little pictures and bright colors."

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"I'm an apprentice blacksmith. There you are. And here's a sandwich. You must be starving!"

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"You shall stay here with your roommate, Mr. Pocket. He is a distinguished young lad who will help you on your way to being a gentleman. I trust you see no problem with this?"

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"That is Steve. He is seventeen and has a car."

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"Then you will go to London in a week's time. Here's 20 sterling. Well, blacksmith, you look stunned."

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"Oh, what jolly fun swimming is, with a splishy-splash and a hold-your-breath dive."

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"...she tears your heart into pieces. And as you get older it will tear deeper."

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"Why? Well, that's simple. Because I need the tears of broken-hearted men to use in my Genesis device."

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South Park Classics theme song: Vivaldi's The Four Seasons: Spring.

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"And now he was to finally see his beloved Estella again at a Grand Ball held by the King of England, Tony Blair."

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"Ooooo, top smart, Pip!"

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"...merely breaking off, Pip, to remark that a dinner napkin should never be placed into the tumbler."

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"You see that? You have too big a heart to kill two baby bunnies... Right"

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"I'm not going in there, you stupid puddle of a homeless man urine"

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"Sure! They're those things with vaginas in them."

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"Up here, you gamy mass of baby vomit!"

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"Does it frighten you to look upon a woman who has not seen the sun in over 20 years?"

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"Things aren't always as they seem, Pip."

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"It is wonderful to see you again, Estella."

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"Once your tears have collected into the Genesis device, the fusion of Estella and me will be complete..."

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"Where are all my little bunnies that you borrowed then, Pip?"

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"She just loves to smack me in the face and tell me I'm worthless. O, we have such fun together."

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