It's gonna be about three days.

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When I wanted to get rid of my mom's last boyfriend, I just called the police, and said he was molestering me, and I haven't seen him for three months.

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I'm telling my parents I'm staying at Stan's house, Stan's telling his parents he's staying at Kenny's house, and Kenny's not telling his parents anything, 'cause they're alcoholics and they don't care!

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Alright!

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Hoh, hahh, can I- help you folks?

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Dude! Having no parents is awesome! I'm gonna say my parents molestered me, too.

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Hello, honey, how has prison been for you?

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Something about a swimsuit - I don't remember, but you definitely answer "bad touch."

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Well, they can't be too pissed off. I mean, we made them a banner.

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It's a boy. They…killed him. The bastards.

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Alright. Everybody gather round. We're gonna tell the story of the Before time again.

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Parents? Ah, you mean the birth-givers. They're not around.

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Way back, in the long long ago, we all lived by the birthgivers' laws. But the birthgivers were unfair. They made us go to bed early and eat broccoli.

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Oo what the heck are you talkin' about?

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I can't help you if you won't admit you need help!! Now sit down!

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Linda, it's a remote-controlled car.

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You see what we're dealing with here. Tonight is Carousel. And they will try to kill one of us.

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Alright. Fine, Kyle, you can go to the Raging Pussies concert if you clean out the garage, shovel the driveway and bring democracy to Cuba!

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What I want you to do is learn to control those sick, sexual urges you have.

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You have to make it convincing, though, when you call the police. You have to be like, "my parents molestered me."

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They're evil! I WISH I DIDN'T HAVE ANY PARENTS!

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Kyle, you're not old enough, and those concerts are dangerous and vile.

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Yeah. I got the job. You're looking at the new manager of Denny's in Breckenridge.

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Be careful, Mark. They'll nake you disappear with the M word.

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Well, of course your parents said you can't go!

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Alright, we've had just about enough here! That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen! I don't care what little games you kids wanna play, we just want outta here, alright?

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Butters, I need an ETA on the car, stat.

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Look at this young man. Just look. Don't rape. Fight it. Fight it!

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Nonono, we're looking for things to do besides molesting our children.

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Come on. Throw the football, Ike.

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I believe you have something of ours, outlander! Give it back, or the female gets it!

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Well, I mean, you… could…call the police and have them take your parents away.

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Soon we were without power, water, or fresh food. But we tried to survive. Under the guidance of…the Provider.

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Well, thanks for everything, you guys. You really helped us see how important parents are.

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Most of you are still in denial about what you've done! To you it seems you've never raped your children at all! But you did. Help meeee help youuuu.

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No, dickhole. Four tickets, 28th row, for the Raging Pussies!

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Oh boy, here it comes!

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Okay, molestered, bad touch.

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We're going tomorrow night! Cartman's got the bus schedule all figured out!

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Uh, excuse me, but my wife and I honestly never touched our child.

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Kyle, your mother and I don't want you going to the Raging Pussies concert! We gave you a chore that we thought was impossible. You weren't supposed to actually do it.

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Then it's ours. The whole town. It's ours.

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Kenny? Kenny, we're sorry. Where is he?

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Kindergartners. Treasure Cove is full of them.

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Uh huh. I'll put ah, "knitting, sewing."

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Once again, this does marks the end of Communism in Cuba. Cuban dictator Fidel Castro claims he was finally convinced by a young boy's letter. Now the country is again open to American tourism. Plans can finally resume for Knott's Berry Farm Cuba.

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No, ud, it's lemon juice. Oh God! Are you blind?! No, it just really, really, really hurts!

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But I did! Ah, I brought democracy to Cuba!

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Your birthgivers took care of you. That's what their laws and their rules were for, because they love you, and they didn't want you to end up living like…th-this!

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The following hot presentation is for mature audiences only.

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Don't you remember? They are your providers! Not some statue! And they're not up in some fantastical faraway land now.

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All you gotta do is call the police and say that your parents both molestered you.

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Okay, so what are some other things that we can do besides molest our children?

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And so the fatass came up with a way to have all the birthgivers disappear, by using the magic M word.

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So, it appears that you need me. Which is good, because…I need you, too. Ringy-ding?

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Ah-ah-ah-ah,let me get this straight: if I go get the fat kid's book on the other side of the white line, you'll show me where a cell phone is?

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Oh, sweetie, I have no idea where we are.

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Their grandmother's been dead for three years. You're not listenng to me. Kyle, tell these people that your mother never raped you! Tell them! It's my fault. Say it! Tell them right now!!

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There's not an adult left in town. They've all been arrested, and the ones that weren't arrested have moved away because they're scared of being arrested

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Oh, Kyle. Ike, sweetie, you're OK.

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We all know that one day, the Provider will set us free. Make everything like it was in the before time. In the long, long ago.

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Now, can I please have the cell phone?

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Eheh, I'm afraid you'll find all the phones…quite out of service.

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We love you, son, but we only love you in a platonic way from now on.

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You lied to the police and said they molested you?! My God, they were your parents!

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Mark, I'm scared!

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Oh no! She's crossing the white line!

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The Provider awakes!

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Mr. and Mrs. Cotner, as the mayor of Smiley Town, I would like to ask you a few questions.

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Well, I told you I can't deal with kids, Linda! That's why I don't want to have children!

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I thnk I found the problem, ma'am. A broken window roller-upper.

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Okay, I'm scared now, too. That freaked me out.

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No! It's alright! Just give me some time to work on them. I'll see you guys later.

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What I understand is that you totally screwed me over!! So why should I have to listen to you?!

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Oh my God, this isn't happening. I would never touch my children like that.

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Smiley Town? That's a strange name.

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Snow igloos kick ass.

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Kyle, we're so sorry for the horrible sexual abuse over the years. But we're all better now.

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Alright, let's just…go, Linda. I don't have time for Spaceman Spiff's little games.

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You sons of bitches!

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Carousel...

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Outlander! We have your woman! She still lives, outlander!

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The fatass and us disagreed on how to worship the provider. The fatass tried to make us follow his way by making himself the school principal. So we made ourselves the superintendents of schools.

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Alright parents, now I, I know this is difficult, but I want you to just look at this child. Just try to suppress your urges to rape him.

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Phone here doesn't work. Haa-I'm afraid the only phone that does work…is over in Treasure Cove.

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Yeah. I guess their rules did have a point. Things have gotten a lot worse in the ten days since they've been gone.

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They'll never be able to hurt you again.

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Alright, kid! We demand to see an adult this instant!

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So now, every night, the Provider must be appeased at Carousel. We need their book so one of ours doesn't die.

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Yeah, right. After all this, I'm getting my tubes ties tomorrow!

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Eh, you two seem to have the uncanny ability to cross the white line. If you help us, we'll get you what you need.

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Cartman throws a stone through a distant window.

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Soon we were without power, water, or fresh food. But we tried to survive. Under the guidance of…the Provider.

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Who cares? My parents deserve whatever they get. They're liars and cheats.

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Kyle's Cuban democracy song.

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If you want things to be the way they were in the before time, in the long, long ago, you all need to call the police and tell them you lied about them M word.

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He won't take care of you. Your parents… your… providers…will.

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Oh, I'm gonna be sacrificed to the Provider!

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