A hundred and six miles, Scott. I had to ride a hundred and six miles in the back of a pickup truck... to get back here

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He is not smarter than me! He just charmed me, that's all! He's a charmer, that Scott Tenorman!!

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I am writing to you because of a kid I know named Scott Tenorman. Scott is fifteen, and I'm afraid he has cancer. In his ass.

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That asshole! That big, smelly, ass-sniffin' asshole! I'm goona get him!

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Oh yes I did! I'm becoming a man!

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I just... well... I want you to beg for it.

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Oh, hey, Scott. How's it goin'? I was just wondering, do you like the band, uh, Radiohead at all?

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Come on, pony, bite the weiner. Bite it. Come on, good pony. That's it! Now, bite it off! Bite off the weiner! Good pony!

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Well, if we find a pony, we can train it. Train it... to bite off Scott Tenorman's weiner.

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What if we got Radiohead to come here to South Park?" right? Then they could meet Scott Tenorman — and — see him get his weiner bitten off by a pony!

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We got everyone we could find to chip in. There are pubes from just about every single kid in town.

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Nono, get down on your knees. Lower your head, and say "I beg you to give me back my money."

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And then give me the twenty, and I'll give you the pubes.

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I was just stopping by to invite you to my Chili Con Carnival. It's a chili cook-off with rides.

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Scott, Scott! Courtney Love is in South Park! She's all drunk and spreading her legs and showing her poonanner to everybody!

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You know, everyone has problems; it doesn't mean you have to be a little crybaby about it.

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It's delicious, Chef.

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We don't wanna see them, Cartman!

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Heheheheheh. He's such a douche, heheheheheh.

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Some dramatic music

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Did you see that? Scott mast have ran home so embarrassed! Ha ha ha ha. And you know what? That wasn't really Radiohead talking! I just dubbed their voices over!

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But then why would Scott Tenorman sell me his pubes for ten dollars?

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The little fat kid thinks he's gonna get revenge tomorrow. We'll see how he likes it when I tell him he just ate the pubes of every kid in town!

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Nyahnyahnyahnyah nyah nyah! I made you eat your parents! Nyahnyahnyahnyah nyah nyah!

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Cartman screams

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Where you could have told Scott Tenorman, "You may take our pride, but you'll naver take my Goddamned sixteen dollars and twelve cents!!"

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Step 1: Find someone's weakness. Step 2: exploit that weakness.

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Sixteen dollars! Take it! I-I'll even throw in an extra five! Here! Give me back my pubes!

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Ohoho, it won't be so dumb when Scott Tenorman arrives. I suggest you stay to see the fireworks!

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Well I don't want it to get cold. I think I can win first prize.

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Well, becuase, unlike you guys, I just got my first pubes! Ayada da daa, yadadadadee!

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They're paying five bucks a hair for pubes! If I leave now, I can catch the last bus!

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Hey, you wouldn't happen to be Eric Karp-man, would you?

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Yes! It is the most genius plan ever!! Scott Tenorman is going to wish he never met meee!!!

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I see Scott Tenorman. With his ginger red hair and his stupid freckles and his- Goaddmnit goddamnit I hate him!!!

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You're not from the IRS! You glued my pubes onto your face!

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The doctors say unless I can come up with sixteen dollars for her operation, they're gonna put her down.

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Cartman, you don't buy pubes, you grow them yourself!

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[Cartman sings] How's it goin' guys?

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And then, Scott Tenorman will forever be known as the kid who had his weiner bitten off by a pony!!!

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Hello, sir, my name is Kris Kristoferssen. I'm with the IRS. I'm here to collect ten dollars that you own in back taxes

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Ned. Ned, what- a-are you jackin' it?

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Now get your fat little butt out of here before I kick your head in!

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Oh my God, he killed Kenny.

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Hell, let's let all the Scott Tenormans of the world take what's ours and laugh in our faces.

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Scott Tenorman!!! How are you, Scott? Thanks so much for coming!

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Well, guys, it seems that I am the first one of us to reach manhood after all.

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It just means that I matured faster than you.

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You really care that much about sixteen measly dollars? I mean, what can you buy with sixteen dollars?! My parents give me a fifty dollar-a-week allowance.

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Hoho, I don't think so, Scott! I'm going to Fort Collins myself!

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My... mom and dad are... dead?

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That's an interesting question, Kurt. But first I'd just like to say that I really hate this kid named Scott Tenorman.

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Well, we would tour, but we just hate that Scott Tenorman kid so much that we don't want to.

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Dude, I think it might be best for us to never piss Cartman off again.

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Haha, charade you are, Scott!

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Radiohead. Yes, of course.

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I'm a little piggy; here's my snout. Oink oink oink, oink oink oink.

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Hohoho! I won a million dollars!! Whew! Ow!

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O-kay, and how much is that in pubes?

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Now say, "I'm a little piggy."

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Eric! Are you training that pony to please you?!

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What I did plan on, however, was that my friends, Stan and Kyle, would betray me and warn you that the Chili Con Carnival was a trap.

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Knowing that you would try and do somethng to the pony, I warned Mr. Denkins that violent pony killers were in the area.

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After a night with the hacksaw, I was all ready to put on my Chili Con Carnival, so that I could tell you personally about your parents' demise!

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Right, right. Let's see... There's posters. Radiohead posters! And he's reading a magazine about Radiohead!

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Well, don't you worry, Scott. Your mom and I can go get the pony and have it taken to an animal shelter.

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Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, it's time for the amazing Pube Boy!

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Yeah, I have some pubes to sell.

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What? You mean about how you put pubes in your chili?

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Listen, my money is as good as anybody's! Don't you, uh, discriminate against my people by not accepting these pubes

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We're that band, Radiohead.

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I'll keep working on the pony, you guys go get Radiohead to play here! Ready? Break!!

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Ready, pony? Bite it!

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Uh, yes, I've come to return these pubes that I purchased, please?

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Sixteen dollars and twelve cents! He is a disease. He is a cold calculating mind, and I will have revenge!

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Well, they was trespassin' and I was protectin' myself. I, I have my rights.

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So, the subject is a big Radiohead fan, huh? Maybe I should come up with a li'l ol' scheme that involves them.

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Oh my God! Oh my God!!

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Oh. Well, does Mr. Denkins know you're usin' his pony? He shoots trespassers on sight, you know.

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You know, that band that sings that song: Well, I'm a creep. I'm a winner...

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Well, e-yeah, but, there's a special guest coming, and I want you to be near the pony when they arrive.

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I made some chili to enter into the contest.

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Hey, what the hell are you doing out there?!

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And so I told him, I said "Here. I'll sell you my pubes for only ten bucks." And this stupid asshole buys them!

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Ahaaa, what a stupid asshole! Hahahahaha!

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Well, son, I think you have a pretty stupid plan there.

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Because of Scott Tenorman! I hate him! And I want to make him suffer!

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Mmm. Ah, I don't know. Your chili is pretty good, Cartman, but I think mine is better. Try it.

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Yes! Yesss!! Oh, let me taste your tears, Scott! Mm, your tears are so yummy and sweet.

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You would actually tell your mom that you were stupid enough to pay for my pubes? Huh uh, I don't think soho!

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Yup. He let me have 'em for just ten bucks. Ha ha ha! I got pubes 'fore you guys did! I got pubes 'fore youuu guys!

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Yuppitibut, that's all, folks!

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There, see?! How do you like them apples!

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Gawh, this is really good, Scott!

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Christ. Alright, I guess it's just you and me, Timmy!

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And if Scott cries, then Radiohead will say Scott Tenorman is totally not cool! And that would make Scott Tenorman wanna die!!

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Tax evasion is a very serious offense, sir! I suggest that you...

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Sweeet. Killer. Bye, Scott.

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Holy crow, he's right, Ned! Mrs. Tenorman's lettin' the twins out!

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I just finished planning a brilliant li'l scheme that should put Scott in his place for good! And if you help me, I'll give each of you... two... dollars.

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Cartman, you are so Goddamned stupid it's unbelievable.

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Ohoho, you are good, Eric. You are very, very good.

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We just wanna warn you: Eric Cartman, the fourth grader, is goin' tuh try and trick you somehow into getting your weiner bitten off by a pony who lives at Denkins' ranch.

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A little penis-biting, perhaps?

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Yeah! There is even gonna be a big surprise, so you won't wanna miss it, Scott.Oh, and here! Here's a coupon good for one free pony ride!

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Oh nothing, it's just cool how you're gonna get Scott Tenorman back. Is Radiohead here yet?

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I know that you are all deeply troubled and want to find a quick and painful way to get rid of Scott Tenorman once and for all!

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Huh I'm gonna get that sonofabitch.

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When you get old enough, you grow your own pubic hair that's attached to you, you fuckin' dumbass!

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Oh, the tears of unfathomable sadness! My-ymmuy. Mm-yummy you guys!

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