Are you sayin' you're fine with this guy campin' overnight, alone, with our boys??

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...So, I am hereby dropping my case, and allowing the Scouts their right to not allow gays into their private club.

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Oh, hey Timmy. I'm glad you called, very much. I've been detecting some a-animosity towards me lately, and I was hoping we could bury the hatchet.

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YOU DO NOT SAY "BIG SILLY GOOSE!!" You call him an asshole like a normal kid!!

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And best of all, we met this kid named Jimmy. He's disabled, but he doesn't let it ruin his life! He's awesome!

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That is enough, Scouts! Take your seats!

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Look! I'm not saying the new scout leader's a bad person, I just don't think he should be a scout leader!

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We'll meet back here next Tuesday, and see who raised the most. Good luck.

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Alright, boys, we're gonna head to the bar. We'll be back to pick you up at nine.

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Beat it, toots! We've got discrimination work to do!

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Well, Timmy, I guess we learned an important lesson, too, very much. There is room for more than one handi-capable person in Scouts.

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Yeah! Get your big gay ass off the couch and come be our scoutmaster again!

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Bye, Big Gay Al. We had a great time.

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But you have to come back. We hate our new scout leader.

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Well then that settles it! Fellas, what we're gonna hafta do is try to ch... change the Scouts' rules, very much.

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"I'm making Salisbury steak for lunch."

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We've simply gotten too many complaints from concerned parents about him. I'm afraid we don't have a choice.

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Huh, yeahahah, uhwehell, hehe's the coolest kid with disabilities in the world!

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...due to the overwhelming show of support, it is the ruling of this court that the Scouts must allow Big Gay Al and all gays into their club!

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Wow, what a great audience. I just flew into South Park. Boy, are my crutches tired!

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The first demonstration.

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The second demonstration.

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Was your dad in Scouts, Cartman? Oh yeah, you don't have a dad.

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Huhboiy, am I glad to see you guys! There's lots of kids here from other schools, and I don't know anybody.

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I don't sound like that.

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Attention, ladies and gentlemen! Now, for your entertainment, stand-up comic, Jimmy!

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Hhh-how about that Eric Cartman kid, huh? "Goddamnit! God-. No, Kitty, that's my mud pie! Goddamnit! Eh, Goddamnit!"

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...He's a brave little boy with disabilities who proves just by being here that Scouts are for everyone!

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We don't wanna do pushups! We don't wanna get up early! We don't wanna have you take naked pictures of us!

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Wow, what a great audience. For my first joke, I'm going to need a... volunteer. Come on up here, Tim-Tim.

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Dude, this looks like it could get ugly...

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Come on! Come on!

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CRIPPLE FIGHT!!!

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Attention, shoppers. Outside, we have... cripple fight. Cripple fight outside!

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Just let 'em have it out, Susan. They'll run out of steam soon.

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I told you to put on the HAT!! You dirty motherfucker!

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Some kind of gay pride rally.

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The fight continues...

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Alright, boys, break it up.

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"Hello there, children. Mr. Hat. Hello- Mr. Hat"

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Today is a great day for democracy. The Scouts have been exposed for the vile gay bashers they are.

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Let's give him a hand, very much. Come to think of it, give him a pair of legs, too.

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We are having a bake sale to raise money for scout troop number four seven. Uh, please stop by and give us a hand.

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Go away! I'm dead.

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Hey, I have a great idea. Why don't we see if Jimmy wants to come be in our Scout club?

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Alright, that's all the time we have for tonight, Scouts. We sure had a great time, didn't we?

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He's able to use comedy to overcome his handicap! I LOVE him!

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If you work at it, maybe you could be as... handi-capable as I am, huh?

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That's what you said about Peterson, and then you ended up having sex with him!

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Yeah, he's excited.

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Hooray!

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Come on kids, let's go get some ice cream!

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I did it! I did it! Haha!

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Uh you must understand that Scouts is a private club. A club that follows certain beliefs, and one of those beliefs is that homosexuality is immoral.

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...just because somebody's gay doesn't mean they're gonna molest children. Straight people do that too.

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Hey, it's Big Gay Al!

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Jim- Jim-mih?

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So let's all give a big round of applause to little... Jimmy!

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This is crazy! You can't do this!

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How about Jimmy Stewart? "Merry Christmas, movie house."

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And John Travolta. "Oh my God, Mr. Kotter! Uh Mr. Kotter, oh, oh my God, Mr. Kotter!"

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Hey Jimmy, do you wanna join our bake sale in South Park tomorrow?

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Sometimes it's like, "Please, Timmy, learn a new word," heh. "Timmy! Tu-Timmy!"

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Well he got to where he is by being a good scout; maybe we should just leave him alone.

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You're forgetting that homosexuality is a choice! As many of you know, I, myself, went through a... homosexual... phase.

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Hello, Stanley. I was happy to see you and your little friends' names on the list!

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And of course, my very favorite, "Timmy! Huh. Timmy! Uh liv-, uh, living a lie! Uh living a lie, Timmy!"

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And how about that school counselor? "Uh, dr-, drugs are b-bad."

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Marc Shaiman plays the piano.

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But I've been in Scouts since I was nine - it's a… huge part of my life.

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And so that's how to make banana-nut muffins.

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You know our policy: I'm afraid you're... out of Scouts.

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Good! Now, the first activity for this evening will be... naked pictures

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Tom, I'm standing out in front of Henry's Supermarket where five brave little boys are holding a rally to support gays in scouting.

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It is a disgrace that these homophobes are allowed to discriminate.

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In other news, the FBI has finally caught the child molester known as Mr. Slippyfist.

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Alright, boys, I am your new Scout leader. Everything is going to be just fine. No naked pictures.

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And so I said to him, "Hey, ah-I may be handicapped, bu-but I'm not... deaf."

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Timmy sings his name to the tune of "Old MacDonald" whilst using PhotoWiz.

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We are left with no options, Mr. Al. I'm afraid you are hereby... out of Scouts.

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Wow, a parka. You-you didn't have to do that, Tim-Tim.

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Well, you know what I say about kids: They're all pink on the inside.

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Wull what if I promise not to be gay anymore? Pinky swear.

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Well, just in case you were wondering, I do have a disability. I am totally happy with the way I was born, very much.

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Well, I guess we're off to the bar until nine, then.

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You know, boys emulate authority figures. Even if it doesn't turn them gay, they could end up all talk and all femmit, prancin' around like girls.

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"Are you angry at God for making disabled people?" I say, "No, I think the world is better with puh-President Bush."

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Well, you boys must be pretty excited: your first night of Scouts.

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Now, here's a little Scout telling his parents that Mr. Grazier took naked pictures of him. Look what happens...

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Well then, I don't want my boy there, either.

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Hey, don't yell at me! Ya asked me to come over and play sad songs for you to pack to, and then ya yell at me.

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It's gonna suck. There's gonna be all like, new kids there we don't know.

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Hey, are you parents gonna stand there all night? This meeting is for scouts only, you silly gooses.

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Well, stop the presses, did you figure that out all by yourselves, silly buns?

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I just... called Cartman a name - he's a, he's a silly goose.

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Just for a second, Timmy. Don't be a jerk, Timmy.

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Don't call me an asshole, you sonofabitch.

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And furthermore, the Scout elders will be put into stocks for three days, so they can see how it feels to be outcast!

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I'm super, thanks for asking.

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Wow, looks like when it comes to comedy, I really t-take the c-keh-c. I really take the cay. I really take the k-keh cake.

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Parents, this is the new Scout leader, Mr. Grazier. He will be taking over for the homosexual.

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Thanks again, Tim-Tim.

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Timmy screams.

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Oh, sure. I'll see if it fits. This is very warm. Thanks a lot, Tim-Tim. Well, I'll see you around.

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I just got transferred in.

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And now, as a very special treat, our very special friend Jimmy is going to do what he loves most: motivational standup comedy.

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Ooooh, I don't want her. You can have her. She's too fat for me.

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Cartman, don't say "use him," you big thilly goose.

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Well, for my next joke I'm gonna need a vo-volunteer from the audience, very much. How about you, Timmy?

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So wait, did we do good?

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I'm going to take some pictures of each of you naked, in case we need them, for later.

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Come on, Scouts. We've got work to do!

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When I ask you a question you will answer "Yes, Scoutmaster!" Do I make myself clear!

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The troops are off having bake sales, and I'm pleased to report that we have already raised over $600 for the event. Yippie!

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You can't do this! You homophobe!

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Carol is the head of a girls' Mountain Scouts troop.

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