| |
[Stan's house, day. Stan,
Kyle, and Kenny are in the living room playing video games.] |
| Kyle: |
HA! I killed you! |
| Stan: |
HA, I blew your head off! |
| Kenny: |
(Aw, Goddamnit!) |
| Stan: |
Jesus, is Cartman still in the bathroom? |
| Kyle: |
Hey Cartman! We're almost to level 20! You giving birth
in there, or what? |
| Cartman: |
Let a man take a crap! |
| Stan: |
Dude, he's in there punishing my toilet. |
| Kyle: |
Hyeah, that poor, poor thing |
| Stan: |
Come on, Cartman! You're missing the game! |
| Cartman: |
[from behind the bathroom door] I'm almost done, you
smartasses! I'm just wipin' mah- whoa, what the hell is that? [finishes
wiping his butt and zips himself up. He comes out of the bathroom with
something in his hands] You guys, look what I found in the trashcan in
Stan's bathroom. It's like a bloody cotton thing wrapped in toilet
paper. |
| Kyle: |
Well, why did you pull it out of the trash? |
| Cartman: |
Because I thought it was a jelly doughnut, but look,
check it out, it's all bloody. |
| Sharon: |
[walks in with a basket of laundry] Are you guys still
playing that video game? |
| Stan: |
Yeah. Hay Mom, Cartman found a bloody cotton thing in
the bathroom. |
| Cartman: |
[holds it up] Look. [Sharon gasps and drops the
laundry. Cartman unravels it] But I don't think it's for usin', I think
it's just for lookin' through. [looks through it] |
| Sharon: |
Eric, put that down! |
| Cartman: |
Why? |
| Sharon: |
Just go put it back in the trashcan! |
| Cartman: |
[inspects it] Hey, it's like all bloody. It might be
alive. |
| Sharon: |
No that... that came from me; just put it away. |
| Cartman: |
This came out of you?? You just left it in the
trashcan?! [hick accent] You shouldn'ta done that. He's just a boih.
Poor little feller. |
| Stan: |
[looks up at his mom] What is it, Mom? |
| Kyle: |
Yeah, what it is, Mrs. Marsh? |
| Sharon: |
Boys, that a... feminine thing. Alright, it's a
personal, woman thing. [game play stops and the boys look at her] I
tell you what: If you'll just drop the whole thing right now, I'll buy
you that new video game console you've been wanting. |
| Stan: |
The 2001 Okama GameSphere? |
| Sharon: |
Sure. |
| Kyle: |
Cool! |
| Cartman: |
Wow, this is like finding trashcan gold, you guiys! |
| |
[Luau's
Toys, day, later. A banner reading "WE HAVE GAMESPHERE" hangs over the
window, and the console itself is in the window display.] |
| Stan: |
There it is. The Okama GameSphere. [the game console is
shown, along with two controllers and several boxes containing the
console] |
| Kyle: |
Dude, it's got a hundred twenty eight gigahertz DRAM |
| Stan: |
What's that? |
| Kyle: |
I don't know, but it kicks ass. [they watch as Sharon
buys the console from Mr. Harris and he wraps it up and delivers it to
her] Wow, dude, you're the luckiest kid in South Park. |
| Cartman: |
Hey, this is all of ours. I'm the one who found Stan's
aborted brother in the trashcan and blackmailed his mom into getting
the GameSphere. [the boys turn away from the window] |
| Stan: |
Alright, alright, but you guys gotta see if you can
sleep over for the rest of the weekend. [checks his watch.] It's
Saturday at 2:30 - that means we have... 39 hours to play GameSphere
until school on Monday! |
| Kenny: |
(Woohoo!) |
| Kyle: |
Awesome! [suddenly remembers] Oh, crap. |
| Stan: |
What? |
| Kyle: |
I'm supposed to go to the lake with my family tomorrow
and swim and play in the stupid sun. |
| Stan: |
Dude, we got GameSphere. |
| Kyle: |
I know, I know. Well, look: I'll stay over anyway so I
can play for... eighteen hours, and then I'll go to the lake. [a
strange character walks up next to them] |
| Towelie: |
Don't forget to bring a towel. [it's a walking, talking
towel] |
| Stan: |
What? |
| Towelie: |
When
you get out of the water you need to dry off right away to avoid
catchin' a cold. That's why Towelie says, "Don't forget to bring a
towel." |
| Stan: |
...O-kay. |
| Kyle: |
Thanks, Towelie. |
| Towelie |
[after a few moments of silence] Do you wanna get high? |
| Stan: |
No. [Towelie looks for a few moments, then walks away] |
| Kyle: |
Anyway, that will give me plenty of time playing video
games. |
| Cartman: |
Kyle, I think you underestimate Okama GameSphere. |
| Sharon: |
Here you go, boys. [Stan takes the shopping box and the
boys take off] |
| Boys: |
AAAAAA. |
| |
[Stan's house, later. In the
living room, Kyle finishes connecting the GameSphere to the back of the
TV] |
| Kyle: |
Okay, turn it on. |
| TV: |
"Okama GameSphere" |
| Boys: |
Whoa! |
| TV: |
[the game title comes up] Thirst For BLOOD |
| Cartman: |
Oh yeah, Thirst for Blood. Bring it. |
| Kyle: |
Oh, this is so cool. |
| Cartman: |
Bring it, bring it! [on the TV two monsters fight each
other. The one on the right attacks the other with a chainsaw. "Oh!"] |
| |
[Stan's
house, night. The boys have been playing for hours. Around them are
empty boxes of Cheesy Poofs and cans of Zoop soda. On the sofa is a bag
of chips. Stan's parents walk up to the boys.] |
| Sharon: |
Goodnight, boys. Don't stay up too late. |
| Stan: |
G'night Mom, thanks for GameSphere. |
| Cartman: |
[slowly slides into a hick accent] Yeah, but you still
shouldn'ta done that. 'E's just a boih. |
| Randy: |
What? |
| Sharon: |
Nothing. Come on, Randy. [whisks him off to bed. From
the TV: "Twenty kills."] |
| |
[Stan's
house, Sunday morning, dawn. The boys have stayed up all night playing
video games. Kyle is on the phone with his parents.] |
| Kyle: |
Yeahyeah,
Mom. I-I can't go to the lake. No, S-stan's having emotional problems
and I need to help see him through it. He's got- [to Cartman] wha-what
is it? |
| Cartman: |
Date-rape psychosis. |
| Kyle: |
Date-rape something. Yeah. Okay. I will. Okay, thanks,
Mon. [hangs up] I don't have to go outside! |
| Cartman: |
Awesome! |
| Kyle: |
She said it's fine, but that I still have to go to
baseball practice tonight.. |
| Stan: |
Oh, yeah, we got baseball practice today. God damnit! |
| Cartman: |
We shouldn't have this many responsibilities! We're
children! |
| Stan: |
Well, it's alright. We can still play for [looks at his
watch] six more hours, and then we'll go play baseball. |
| Towelie: |
[walks in from nowhere] Don't forget to bring a towel. |
| Kyle: |
Uh no. |
| Towelie: |
When
you're playin' sports, the sweat can get in your face. That's why
Towelie says, "Always keep an extra towel in your duffle bag." |
| Stan: |
Okay, we will. |
| Towelie: |
[rasies its arms in vistory] Alright! [lowers them,
then after some moments] Do you wanna get high? |
| Kyle: |
No we don't wanna get high! |
| Towelie: |
Okay... You sure? |
| Cartman: |
Yes! Go away, you stupid towel! [Towelie goes away] |
| Stan: |
Oh, dude! Did you see that? I cut off your face and ate
it! |
| Cartman: |
That's... so... cool! |
| |
[Stan's
house, later... The boys have repositioned themselves and look
half-asleep from all the game play. Doughnuts and ice cream appear - a
cone is on the rug with its ice cream melting. Sharon walks up to them
again.] |
| Sharon: |
Okay, boys, that's it. You have to go now. |
| Stan: |
No no, it's okay, Mom. We c-we can't go to baseball
practice 'cause Kyle has cancer. |
| Sharon: |
No, Stanley, it's Monday morning. You have to go to
school. |
| Cartman: |
It's Monday? |
| Stan: |
Oh, uh, I'm sick. |
| Kyle: |
Me too. |
| Sharon: |
No, you're not sick. Now get to school. [disconnects
the console from the TV] All of you. |
| Stan: |
But Mom... |
| Sharno: |
Go! |
| Boys: |
Aagh! |
| |
[Bus stop, moments later. The
boys are now waiting for the bus.] |
| Stan: |
Can't believe we have to go to school! |
| Kyle: |
Yeah, real life is so boring and stupid. |
| Stan: |
We just have to try and make the day go as fast as
possible so we can get back to GameSphere. [a green car pulls up in
front of them. Two soldiers are in it] |
| Commander: |
Hello, boys, how are you? |
| Stan: |
Fine. |
| Commander: |
Say, boys, this may sound a little ...odd, but... have
you see a ...talking ...towel around anywhere. |
| Kyle: |
What? You mean Towelie? [the two soldier look alarmed.
The passenger quickly gets on the radio] |
| Commander: |
Echo, this is Garrett. I've got a code 5 at... [checks
his map] Park County, Colorado! Repeat! Code 5, Park County Colorado!
[the men look at the boys] |
| Cartman: |
What, dude? [the driver steps on the gas and the car
peels away. The passenger soldier looks out the window and back at the
boys.] |
| Stan: |
This is gonna be one looong-ass day. [Ms. Crabtree
pulls up and the boys get on the bus.] |
| |
[Stan's house, Mondy
afternoon. The boys arrive there from the bus stop] |
| Stan: |
That was the longest day of school ever! |
| Kyle: |
Come on, hurry. I bet we can get to level 29! [the boys
burst in and head for the television] |
| |
[Stan's house, living room.
The boys stand in from of the television] |
| Kyle: |
Where is it? |
| Stan: |
It... it was right here. |
| Kyle: |
Where the hell is it?? |
| Cartman: |
Come on, man, this isn't funny! [Kenny, Kyle, and
Cartman look around and behind the TV] I need my fix! [the phone rings,
and Stan goes to answer it.] |
| Stan: |
Hello? |
| Voice: |
If you ever wanna see your Okama GameSphere again, you
will bring us the towel. [the boys gather to wait for Stan] |
| Stan: |
What? Who-who is this? |
| Voice: |
Just get the towel and meet us at the gas station
outside of town. Or else! [in the background: "Okama GameSphere!"] |
| Stan: |
Don't hurt it! [Click. Stan then hangs up] |
| Kyle: |
What? [Stan turns around] |
| Stan: |
They've taken it. They've taken our Okama GameSphere. |
| Cartman: |
[in dsibelief, backs up.] No! ...No! |
| Kyle: |
Uh-uh-uh what do you mean "they've taken it"? Oh, this
isn't happening! This isn't happening!! |
| |
[South Park, sunset. The boys
walk down Main Street> |
| Stan: |
Towelie! |
| Cartman: |
Hey, towel! |
| Kyle: |
Where the hell is he? |
| Kenny: |
(I don't know. Where could it be?) |
| Stan: |
I don't know. They guy on the phone thought we had
Towelie, so now we gotta find him. |
| Kyle: |
What has this world come to? Where people can just...
take your Okama GameSphere. |
| Cartman: |
Hey maybe we'd better do a towel call. [the others
stop, and he calls out in one direction] Gebaayybeh! [then in another]
Gebaayybeh! |
| Kyle: |
That's a towel call? |
| Stan: |
This is hopeless. We're never gonna find him. |
| Kyle: |
Hey, wait a minute. Towelie always showed up to give us
towel advice when we'd said something about water. |
| Stan: |
Hey yeah. [goes into the street and clears his throat]
Well guys, let's go to the swimming pool! [looks around. So do the
others] Aaah. Let's go take a shower! [all look around] Let's go
waterskiing! |
| Towelie: |
[walks up] Don't forget to bring a towel. |
| Kyle: |
There he is! |
| Towelie: |
Be sure to bring a towel so you don't get aaall wet.
[Stan walks over angrily and takes Towelie's left hand, and pulls him
along]. |
| Stan: |
Come on, dude! [the others follow] |
| Towelie: |
Where are we goin'? |
| Kyle: |
Just come on! It's getting dark. |
| Towelie: |
Are we gonna get high? |
| |
[Outskirts of South Park,
night. A full moon shines down on the boys as they reach the gas
station] |
| Kyle: |
Are you sure this is where they said to be? |
| Stan: |
They said the gas station outside of town. |
| Towelie: |
Well, I'm gonna get a little high. [A high-powered
light comes on] |
| Man: |
Hold it! [ten men stand in the light. Some of them wear
red berets] |
| Stan: |
Who is that? [squints his eyes and blocks the light.
Towelie does the same] |
| Man: |
Step... away... from the towel! [the boys do so, and an
official steps forth] |
| Official: |
There you are, towel. We've been looking all over for
you. |
| Towelie: |
If you ever go to a hotel, be sure to bring your own
towel. |
| Official: |
It isn't safe for you out here, towel. There are people
out here to mean to harm you. |
| Stan: |
'Scuse me, can we have our Okama GameSphere back? We
just wanna play video games. |
| Official: |
Your what? |
| Kyle: |
Agh! Look, dude, we're on level 24, about to cross into
the Caverns of Madness! |
| Official: |
I don't know what you're talking about. |
| Stan: |
You called us and said if we brought the towel you'd
give us our video game back. |
| Official: |
Omigod! [shrieks] IT"S A TRAP!! [gunfire strikes him
and kills him. Behind the boys soldiers pop up in the hills and
continue firing] |
| Man 2: |
Cover! Cover! [the officials and their personal
security force fire back, and the flooklight is knocked out] |
| Stan: |
Goddamnit, what now?! |
| Official: |
Run, towel! [a grenade lands between two guards and
blows up, shredding them to bits. The boys just look on] |
| Stan: |
[disinterested] Agh. Come on, they've gotta have our
video game around here somwhere. [leads the others away] |
| Soldier 1: |
Where's the towel?! |
| Soldier 2: |
It can't be far! [two more soldiers come up, and others
move along behind them] Alvarez, you and Mitchell sweep left! |
| Guard: |
[coughs up blood. The boys arrive] Hurry! You must get
the towel back to Tynacorp! |
| Stan: |
[grabs the guard by the lapels and throttles him] Where
is our Okama GameSphere? |
| Guard: |
Get the towel home [cough] They will explain
everything. Please, hurry! [coughs up blood once more, and dies] |
| Kyle: |
Aw, God-damnit! |
| Stan: |
Do you know where he's talking about, Towelie? |
| Towelie: |
What? Oh yeah, back at the base. It's a long ways away. |
| Stan: |
Alright, we're gonna have to use this truck. Come on,
guys. [they go for the truck. From a distance in a woods nearby, a
commander looks at the troop movements] |
| Commander: |
Well? |
| Soldier: |
They've gone, sir. It's like they've vanished out of
thin air. |
| Commander: |
Damnit! I knew those boys were protecting that towel.
[gets pensive] They must have some unexplainable bond with it. |
| Soldier 2: |
Perhaps they're telepathically linked to the towel,
sir, like E.T. [the commander looks at him annoyed, and he leaves] |
| Commander: |
It could already be anywhere, hiding out again. No, the
time for being nice is over. We must instigate... Plan B. |
| Soldier 3: |
You mean...? |
| Commander: |
Yes. [camera zooms in] Destroy all towels within a
thousand mile radius. [fade to black] |
| |
[A desert, later that night.
The truck rolls along... Stan steers, Kyle, Towelie, and Cartman ride
along. Kenny mans the pedals] |
| Kyle: |
Are we getting close? |
| Towelie: |
I think so. |
| Stan: |
A little more gas, Kenny. [Kenny presses down on the
gas pedal] |
| Kyle: |
How long has it been since you've been back there. |
| Towelie: |
I've
been wanderin' around on my own for the past few weeks. You know,
helpin' people out with towel safety and proper towel use. It's
important. |
| Cartman: |
No it isn't. |
| Towelie: |
Is! |
| Cartman: |
No it isn't. |
| Towelie: |
Is! Wait, turn down here. It's down this dirt road. |
| Stan: |
Brake, Kenny, brake. [Kenny brakes, and Stan sters the
truck to the right to go down the dirt road. Towelie moves to the
window] |
| Cartman: |
Egh! |
| Towelie: |
M-maybe it's down that dirt road. |
| Stan: |
[sighs] Dude, don't you remember where it is? |
| Towelie: |
I can't remember, it all looks the same. Hold on, let
me get high. [pulls out a joint...] then I'll remember where it is.
[lights the joint and puffs deeply. The boys watch him as his eyes get
bloodshot.] |
| Stan: |
Alright, so where is it? |
| Towelie: |
Where's what? |
| Boys: |
Agh! |
| Kyle: |
The base where you're from and where our Okama
GameSphere is! [Towelie simply snorts] |
| Stan: |
Alright, that does it! Brake angrily, Kenny! [Kenny
brakes angrily and the truck jerks to a stop] Now listen, Towelie,
we've just about had it with you! |
| Towelie: |
Well calm down. |
| Kyle: |
That's it! [takes the joint] You're not getting high
again until we have our Okama GameSphere back! |
| Towelie: |
That's my last joint, asshole! |
| Kyle: |
I don't care! You'd better remember where your base is! |
| Towelie: |
Oh man, why is everyone riding me today? God-damnit. |
| |
[A
purple house, night. Inside, in the restroom, a woman washes her hands
and face, then pulls a towel out of its rack to dry herself] |
| Woman: |
Kevin? Don't forget to wrap the potato salad in
aluminum foil. [some strange sounds are heard outside the door] Kevin,
is that you? |
| Soldier: |
Harris! Reach bang and clear! |
| Woman: |
Hello? [the bathroom door flies open and five soldiers
pour in, firing away] WAAH! [she falls to the ground quick] Ohmigod! Oh
no! Ohmigod! [she covers her head] |
| Soldier: |
Alright, it's clear! It's clear! [the
soldiers leave the restroom. The woman gets up and checks herself for
bullet wounds and finds none. She turns to see the wall behind her. The
towels on their rack are shot through with holes. She blinks, confused] |
| |
[a
backyard. Mrs. Tweek pulls down some clothes she's had drying on
clotheslines. As she nears the towels, three soldiers rush in and start
firing away at them] |
| Soldiers: |
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!! [Mrs. Tweek
leans out of the way, watching her towels get shot up.] |
| Soldier: |
Let's go let'sg o! [The soldiers finish their job and
walk away. Mrs. Tweek straightens up] |
| |
[A
men's gym shower, night. Mr. Garrison is in the shower with two other
men. He finishes and wraps a white towel with blue stripes around his
waist, then walks towards his locker] |
| Soldier: |
Get it! |
| Mr. Garrison: |
What the? [two soldiers rush over and make him face the
lockers. One of them pulls off his towel] |
| Soldier: |
Throw it down! [the soldier throws it down] |
| Mr. Garrison: |
Oh alright, have your way with me if you must! Go on,
fulfill you sick pleasures! [the
soldier stabs at the towel twice, then directs another soldier to fire
away at it. The other soldier shoots at it while the other two watch] |
| Soldier: |
Alright, let's go! [the soldiers leave] |
| Mr. Garrison: |
Huh where are you goin'? |
| |
[The
truck the boys are driving pulls up in front of a gleaming glass
building with "TYNACORP" above the entrance, and the boys pour out with
Towelie] |
| Cartman: |
This is where you came from? |
| Towelie: |
Yeah, I think so. [gets woozy] Oh man. |
| Stan: |
What? |
| Towelie: |
I'm so high right now. I have no idea what's goin' on.
[the group goes around the fountain and goes inside] |
| |
[Tynacorp, inside. The boys
walk down a long passageway] |
| Research Leader: |
Welcome home, Smart Towel RG-400. |
| Stan: |
Ah hi, is this where our Okama GameSphere is? |
| Kyle: |
We're missing out on some quality video game time right
now. |
| Research Leader: |
Thank
you for bringing him to us, boys. You see, this is not an ordinary
towel. He is the RG-400 Smart Towel, designed with a computer chip
inside the terry cloth |
| Stan: |
We don't care. |
| Research Leader: |
You
see, here at Tynacorp, our goal was to make the perfect towel. A towel
that would sense how wet or dry the user's skin was and fluff itself
accordingly. |
| Stan: |
Dude, we don't care. |
| Research Leader: |
Towelie
was our greatest success. Smart enough to beat the average human at
chess and absorbent enough to soak up even the toughest spills. But
then one day, Towelie got high and just sort of wandered off. |
| Stan: |
We... don't... care. |
| Kyle: |
All we wanna know is, who has our Okama GameSphere? |
| Research Leader: |
Ah
yes, your video game. I'm afraid that what we all experienced was a
trap. They called you and said to bring the towel, and then they called
us and said they were bringing Towelie back. Their plan was to wipe us
all out with one fell swoop. |
| Kyle: |
Who's they? |
| Research Leader: |
Why,
the military. You see, after Towelie got high and wandered off from
here, the military got a hold of him. They wanted to turn Towelie into
a weapon of mass destruction. |
| Stan: |
[dismissive] Don't care, don't care, don't care. |
| Research Leader: |
Towelie
was at their base for months as they tried to copy his TNA. But then,
one day, Towelie got high and just sort of wandered off. Again. |
| Cartman: |
Goddamnit! Can we please... just get back to playing
our video game, PLEASE?! |
| Research Leader: |
I'm afraid not. Because your Okama GameSphere is at
"their" base. |
| Stan: |
Can you tell us where "that" is, please? |
| Research Leader: |
You mean to go right into their base? [thinks] Of
course. The entry code should still be in Towelie's memory banks. You
could sneak him in there and recover his TNA. Great plan. |
| |
[Secret
Government Base, night. Inside, various military officials man a
command center. Two soldiers walk up to the commander and salute him] |
| Soldier: |
Sir! Sargeant Masters and Boll are reporting, sir! |
| Commander: |
Ah yes. [salutes back, and all three men lower their
arms] Tell me, Marine, did you accomplish your primary goal? |
| Sgt Masters: |
Sir yes sir! All towels have been destroyed! The Smart
Towel is no doubt eliminated. |
| Commander: |
Ahh. And you're... quite sure of this. [the two
sargeants look at each other] |
| Sgt Boll: |
Eh yes sir, there isn't a towel left within a hundred
miles. |
| Commander: |
Hmm... [taps his pointer on the strategic map] So
perhaps, then, you can explain to me why we just got footage of the
towel returning to Tynacorp?! |
| Sgt Masters: |
Oo we... |
| Sgt Boll: |
He must have outsmarted us, sir. |
| Commander: |
Well I'm through playing hide and seek! We've got no
other choice! Prepare to blow up all of Colorado! |
| |
[The
night sky. Clouds float by overhead, past the full moon. A helicopter
flies into the sky and the camera follows it. Two officials prepare the
boys for dives into the military base as the research leader talks] |
| Research Leader: |
In
a moment we will be over the base. This is the only way in. Any
attempts on the ground would be easily spotted by guard posts. |
| Kyle: |
Okay. |
| Research Leader: |
[rolls up to Towelie] I hate to send you back in there,
Towelie, but only you have their security system in your memory banks. |
| Towelie: |
That's alright. It's always good to bring a towel. |
| Research Leader: |
Good luck, boys. The fate of the world is depending on
you. |
| Stan: |
We're not doing it for the world, we're doing it for
our video game. God, are you deaf? |
| Guard: |
Alright, boys. When you drop from the plane, cover and
roll. Got it? |
| Stan: |
Yeah. [the boys join Towelie and all go to jump from
the helicopter] |
| Guard: |
Go go go go go go! [one
after the other, the four boys and Towelie juimp off, and then the
helicopter leaves. Stan is the first to pull his parachute string, and
the others follow. Soon they're all next to each other, floating down.
Stan sighs] |
| Kyle: |
Dude, I figured it out. |
| Stan: |
What? |
| Kyle: |
If we can go in, and get the GameSphere in 30 minutes,
we could still be back at your house playing video games by midnight! |
| Stan: |
So that'd be, like what, eight hours we could play
before school? |
| Kyle: |
Seven and a half. |
| Stan: |
[getting impatient] Hurry up, stupid parachute! |
| |
[Secret Government Base,
night. The boys land silently and start walking] |
| Cartman |
Alright, I think we go over there. [the Secret
Government Base entrance is shown with Towelie and the boys approaching
the gate] |
| Towelie: |
[at the security entry pad] Let's see. [types in some
numbers] No. [touches his lips with his right index finger, trying to
figure out what to type next] |
| Stan: |
Come on, Towelie! The guy said you have the security
system in your memory banks. |
| Towelie: |
Hey it's been a long time! |
| Cartman: |
You just have no long-term memory 'cause you get high
all the time! |
| Towelie: |
[faces Cartman] Don't preach to me, fatso! |
| Cartman: |
I can preach to you all I want, 'cause you're stupid! |
| Towelie: |
You're stupid! |
| Cartman: |
Yeah, and you're a towel! |
| Towelie: |
You're a towel! [Cartman has nothing more to say, and
Towelie hops off the box towards the boys] Just let me get high. I know
I can remember if I get high. |
| Stan: |
Oh, God damnit! Alright, fine! [gives Towelie the joint]
Here's your stupid lighter. [tosses Towelie the lighter, and Towelie
lights up. The bloodshot eyes return.] |
| Towelie: |
Hold on. [hops on the box and types into the entry pad
again.] Wait a second [presses a few buttons] That's it! |
| Kyle: |
That's it? |
| Towelie: |
Yeah. That's the melody to "Funky Town." [starts
playing the melody on the keypad] Won't ya take me down... to Funky
Town. |
| Stan: |
No, Towelie, the entry code! |
| Towelie: |
[turns around] For what? |
| Stan: |
God-damnit, I guess we're gonna have to climb the
stupid fence. |
| |
[Secret
Government Base, night, inside. The boys climb over the fence and sneak
past a soldier without arousing suspicion. They end up at the genetic
research building] |
| Kyle: |
Well let's look in here. [opens
the door and leads the others in. Before them are cylinders of liquids,
each with a floating deformed clone of Towelie in it. They come across
a Towelie clone drying under a heat lamp] |
| Towelie Clone: |
Kill... me... Kill... me. |
| Towelie: |
Oh my God! No-o-o-o! |
| Commander: |
[enters with four soldiers, who quickly get set to fire]
Well well well. Look what the cat dragged in. |
| Towelie: |
[turns around with the boys] What are these things? |
| Commander: |
Genetic copies we tried to make with your TNA. They
didn't work too well, I'm afraid. |
| Towelie Clone: |
Kill... me. |
| Stan: |
Do you have our Okama GameSphere? |
| Commander: |
You
did very well to get the towel this far, boys. I wonder: What did they
tell you at Tynacorp? That the big, bad government wanted to
genetically engineer a Towelie as a weapon? Now let me tell you the
real story. |
| Stan: |
Oh God, don't care, don't care. |
| Commander: |
[pacing proudly, solemnly]
Yes, we've been trying to make our own genetic copies of the towel, but
only because we had to. You see, when we started spying on Tynacorp, we
discovered a certain, terrifying secret. [the boys show no interest.] |
| Soldier: |
Go on! Ask him what terrifying secret. |
| Kyle: |
What terrifying secret? |
| Commander: |
That Tynacorp was making these towels to take over the
world! |
| Cartman: |
We're never gonna play our Okama GameSphere again, are
we? |
| Commander: |
Don't
you see what genetically enhanced smart towels like these are capable
of? You get out of the shower and dry yourself off. But even after
you're dry, the towel makes you more dry. It keeps getting you drier
and drier. [his voice begins to deepen] Can you imagine it? What it
would feel like to be way, way too dry? I'll tell you something: You
don't want to know. And I don't know. |
| Kyle: |
And we don't care. |
| Commander: |
You've been double-crossed by Tynacorp, kids. They set
this all up to get you in here and take us down. |
| Stan: |
So let me get this straight: Our Okama GameSphere is
back at Tynacorp. |
| Commander: |
Oh yes. It has been all along. |
| Soldier: |
Can I kill the towel now, sir? |
| Kyle: |
Go ahead. [the boys move away quickly] |
| Commander: |
No, wait. [stays the weapon]
Perhaps now, we can use their own towel against them. These boys must
return to Tynacorp, and we will launch a sneak attack on Tynacorp as
well. [zoom in on a tiny camera close to Towelie's lower border.
Officials back at Tynacorp's command center are looking at the live
feed] You boys can take the towel to Tynacorp's central core, and
upload this encryption disk into their system, bringing them down once
and for all. |
| Stan: |
But we don't care! |
| |
[Tynacorp command center. The
officials gather around the research leader] |
| Official 1: |
What the hell is this?! The towel was supposed to go in
there and then run its own self-destruct sequence! |
| Research Leader: |
The towel has a will of its own. It's... learning
compassion. |
| Official 2: |
We don't have the manpower to hold off the entire
military AND stop those wonderboys from getting to the core! |
| Research Leader: |
Then we have no choice. We'll have to test the new
prototype a little... earlier. [presses
a button. A door with "GS-401" on it slowly spins around. A towel rack
appears and a mean-looking buff towel hangs from it] |
| GS-401 |
[deep voice] Don't forget to bring a towel! |
| |
[Tynacorp, outside. Shadows
appear in the brush across the way. The commander is there with his
troops, the boys, and Towelie] |
| Commander: |
Alright, boys, take the towel back in there and say
your mission was accomplished. [hands a disk to Stan] Then upload this
encryption disk into their computers. |
| Stan: |
We're just going in to get our video game back. |
| Commander: |
If anything goes wrong, use this newly-developed photon
rifle. [hands it to Kyle] |
| Kyle: |
Photon rifle, whatever. [the boys enter Tynacorp with
Towelie.] |
| |
[Tynacorp command center. The
boys walk through the center slowly] |
| Stan: |
Hello? Hello, anybody here? [GS-401 hops down from the
rafters] |
| GS-401: |
Welcome to the party, boys! [flexes and rushes Towelie]
HAAARRRHHHH!! [the two towels wrestle a bit] |
| Towelie |
Oooh. Ooohh! Oh boy. |
| GS-401: |
HAAARRRHHHH!! [Kyle
fires the photon rifle and knocks the beefier towel away with the beam.
The research team and security force pour into the room angrily] |
| Research Leader: |
So, you thought you could outsmart us, did you kids? |
| Commander: |
[he and his troops pour in another door] Aaaaarrrr.
Move move move move move move! [the two forces face each other, with
the boys and Towelie in the middle] Don't make a move, you bastards! |
| Research Leader: |
Bring the towel here, boys. They can't shoot children. |
| Commander: |
Don't listen to them. They lied to you before. |
| Research Leader: |
Oh yes, boys. Obey your government! Well perhaps it's
time these boys knew what was really gong on! |
| Stan: |
Ohmigod, look! [in
front of a monitor connected to a long table is the Okama GameSphere
the boys had been wanting to get back. The boys rush to it] |
| Kyle: |
Our GamdSphere! [the boys each get a controller and
activate the GameSphere: "Okama GameSphere"] |
| Stan: |
Aw, sweet, it still saved our plays. [behind him,
Towelie exits screen left as the two forces face each other. The boys
quickly get lost in the game play] |
| Research Leader: |
[turns to look at the boys]
You see boys, I'm afraid you were double-crossed. If they were the
military, why wouldn't they just attack us to begin with? Because
they're not the military! |
| Commander: |
Alright, maybe we lied to you, but it was to protect
your own skin! We are a resistance group pretending to be the military
to bring Tynacorp down! |
| Cartman: |
Whoa, check it out, guys, the parachute level. |
| Kyle: |
Sweet! |
| Commander: |
[now facing the research leader] But perhaps we should
show these kids who Tynacorp really is made up of. Go on! Tell them why
you've been making towels! Zytar! [pulls at the research leader's head
and the face comes off. Under it a green fish-alien head appears] |
| Stan: |
Oh, there's gold. Get the gold, Kenny! |
| Zytar: |
Our
planet was dying! We had no choice but to find a new one! Manufacturing
Smart Towels was our way to spy on humans to see how they lived. |
| Commander: |
[looks at the boys] And now you know the horrible
truth, boys. |
| Zytar: |
Truth or no, your alien-murdering group is over! [fires
a gun at the commander. Both sides begin to fire at each other and
there are casualties on both sides. Zytar and two guards slowly back
away and out of view] |
| Cartman: |
Could you turn it up? |
| Commander: |
Boys, try to reach the core override! We've got no
choice but to try to take them all out! [the
boys continue playing their game, so the commander comes up and reaches
for something, then goes away. Towelie sits on the floor with a huge
bong, getting high. The commander reappears across the room moving
towards a red button] I think I can get it from here, boys! |
| Zytar: |
[returns] What are you doing? You'll kill us all! |
| Commander: |
Sorry, Zytar. Didn't yoru mom ever tell you? Don't mess
with earthlings. [presses the button and a huge explosion blows the
boys out of the room.] |
| Boys: |
Oooww! [Then
it blows out the roof and some sides of the main building, and the boys
find themselves hanging from Towelie, above a boiling tank of acid] |
| Cartman: |
Hup hup. Come on, hang on. [Stan and Kyle moan] |
| Stan, Kyle: |
Whoa. |
| Kenny: |
(Help help! Heeelllppp!) [loses his grip on Kyle] |
| Cartman: |
Kenny! |
| Kenny: |
(Nooo!) [falls into the acid tank, disintegrating and
sinking. Kyle looks on, but next to him is the GameSphere] |
| Kyle: |
[sees it] Oh my God! Our GameSphere! You've gotta move
me closer! [above him, Stan watches large pieces of metal fall to the
ground] |
| Stan: |
Hurry up, Kyle! This place is coming apart! [Kyle
swings ever closer to the GameSphere] |
| GS-401: |
[walks in on an adjacent catwalk and sees Towelie with
the boys hanging] What are you doing? |
| Towelie: |
Get away from me, you evil towel! |
| GS-401: |
Towelie, listen to me. Let them go. Drop them. |
| Towelie: |
No way! They're my friends! |
| GS-401: |
They
aren't your friends! Humans have ruined the planet, killed off their
own environment! Their time is over. It is the towels' turn now. |
| Kyle: |
[swings closer] I've almost got it! |
| GS-401: |
You're going to let them go, Towelie! Because... I know
your weakness. [holds out a joint. Towelie looks at it longingly] Here.
Yoiu can reach it. Come on, Towelie! How long has it been since you've
had a nice burn, huh?! Twenty, thirty seconds?! |
| Stan: |
[feels Towelie slip] Aw, crap! |
| GS-401: |
You're going to have to choose between their lives,
and, getting high. |
| Towelie: |
You asshole. |
| Cartman: |
Towelie, don't let go of us, you God-damned towel!
Kyle's almost there! |
| GS-401: |
Come, Towelie! Make your decision! |
| Towelie: |
I-I-I choose... I-I-I choose... both! [Stan
is shocked at the answer. Towelie stretches enough to take a puff while
holding on to the boys, then slips enough for Kyle to succeed] |
| Kyle: |
I got it! [grabs
the GameSphere. Towelie pulls himself and the boys up to the catwalk in
front of a door. An explosion behind GS-401 sends it into the air] |
| GS-401: |
Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! [floats down into the acid and
disintegrates] |
| Stan: |
Come on, guys. Let's go play video games! |
| Kyle, Towelie: |
Alright! |
| Cartman: |
Hooray! |
| |
[Stan's house, night. The boys
are gathered before the TV playing their Okama GameSphere with a new
player: Towelie.] |
| Stan: |
Oh, dude, we finished level 50! |
| Kyle: |
Awesome! |
| Towelie: |
Oh, man, I have no idea what's goin' on. |
| Kyle: |
Check it out: Now we're going into the secret
underground base. |
| Stan: |
Alright, guys, focus. Looks like this is gonna be an
underwater level. |
| Towelie: |
[heavily slurred] Don't forget to bring a towel. [the
boys laugh] |
| Cartman: |
You are the worst character ever, Towelie. |
| Towelie: |
I know. |
| |
[End of Towelie] |
