| |
[South Park Elementary, day.
Butters stands in front of the class witha small volcano - his science
experiment.] |
| Butters: |
...And so, just like in nature, ah I can add the
mixture into the volcano and... [throws his head back, closes his eyes,
and chants] O Pele! God of Fire! Show us you uh-[the belching volcano
draws his attention as it coughs up the "lava"] Aw, it's all uh g-gooey. |
| Ms. Choksondik: |
Okay, good job, Butters. You get a check. |
| Butters: |
Ah, thank you, Ms. Choksondik! [wheels his experiment
back to his desk] I got a check. That's like a C! |
| Ms. Choksondik: |
Okay. Whose project should we look at next? How
aboouuut Eric? [tape is heard leaving its spool] Eric Cartman? |
| Cartman: |
[wrapping something together] Stand by, please. |
| Ms. Choksondik: |
NOW Eric! |
| Cartman: |
[leaving his seat] Oh, God-damnit! |
| Kyle: |
Haha |
| Cartman: |
Shutup, Jew! [moves to the clearing, turns around, and
faces the class. He clears his throat]
Yes, well. For my project, I made a pencil, taped to a pen. In this way
we see the duality of writing devices that occur in nature. |
| Ms. Choksondik: |
You just put that thing together just now! I'm giving
you a check minus. |
| Cartman: |
Oh GOD-DAMNIT I HATE CHECK-MINUS! |
| Ms. Choksondik: |
Siddown [Cartman walks towards his desk] |
| Cartman: |
[in hushed tones] I'll make you eat your parents! |
| Ms. Choksondik: |
What did you say?! |
| Cartman: |
Nothing! [takes his seat] |
| Ms. Choksondik: |
Alright, Token, you're next. [Token leaves his seat
carrying a laptop computer, then turns towards the class] |
| Token: |
Using my laptop computer, I hooked into the Internet
and found a meteorology Web site. [pops open the case and displays the
page]
I donwloaded the data, and with my dad's video projector, I can show
you the graph I made of predictable weather patterns over the next
three months. [pulls the projector over and plugs it into the
laptop, then runs the graph. The resulting projection shows cloud
formations moving across the U.S. Ms. Choksondik is impressed] |
| Clyde: |
Wwooww. |
| Token: |
[turns around and shows some sheets to the class] I
also printed out the results on my color printer. Here you are, Ms.
Choksondik. [hands her the papers] |
| Ms. Choksondik: |
Very very good, Token. You get a check plus. |
| Token: |
Alright! [goes back to his seat with his laptop] |
| Cartman: |
Aw, that is such bullcrap! |
| Ms. Choksondik: |
[sigh] Eric, for the love of God. [drops her head down
to her desk] |
| Cartman: |
No!
No, see, this is the fundamental flaw with the check check-plus
check-minus system! The only reason Token was able to do all that is
because his family is rich! |
| Token: |
My family isn't rich. |
| Cartman: |
Oh,
come on, Token! Your new house is four times the size of anyone else's
in town! And who else gets crab cakes and, and lobster tail in their
lunch boxes?! |
| Stan: |
Your family is rich, dude. |
| Token: |
But I... |
| Cartman: |
[leaves his seat and walks over to Token] Let's just
see where Token's clothes come from, shall we? [tugs at his sweater]
Ooooo, Armani Exchange! |
| Kyle: |
Aharmani Exchange? |
| Cartman: |
All the rest of us have to buy our clothes at J mart!
Have you even been inside a J mart, Token?! [Token opens his mouth to
say something, but shuts it up instead] I didn't think so! [moves back
to his seat.] |
| Stan: |
Yeah, dude, your family is so rich they have their own
pool table. |
| Butters: |
Yeah. And their own sprinkler system. You don't think
you're rich? [zoom in on Token's face as he realizes they may be right] |
| |
[Token's house, after school.
His parents are at the sofa. His father reads a newspaper; his mother,
a book. Token walks in] |
| Linda: |
[notices and lowers her book] Hello Token. How was
school today? |
| Token: |
Mom? Dad? Why do we have a bigger house than everybody
else in South Park? [both parents blink and lower their reading
materials] |
| Bob: |
Well, because we have more money, son. |
| Token: |
I know. But why? |
| Bob: |
...W-well,
because we went to graduate school and therefore have more lucrative
jobs than most people in town. For instance, your mother is a chemist
for a pharmaceutical company, whereas your friend Eric Cartman's mother
is a crack whore. One pays more than the other. |
| Linda: |
Why, sweetie? What's the matter? |
| Token: |
All the kids at school made fun of me today because I'm
rich. |
| Bob: |
...Oh. |
| Token: |
I don't wanna be rich anymore! I wanna eat macaroni and
cheese for dinner and, and and wear clothes from J mart! |
| Linda: |
[voice quivering] J mart? |
| Bob: |
[comforts Linda] Son, you, you don't know what you're
saying. |
| Token: |
I just wanna be like all the other kids in South Park.
Please, Mom and Dad, please. [his parents blink and look at each other] |
| |
[J
mart, later. A small SUV pulls into the J mart lot. Token takes his
first look at J mart. He is awed by it and pleased at the chance to
shop there.] |
| Bob: |
You... sure you want to do this, son? |
| Token: |
I'm sure. [the SUV stops and Token hops out. His
parents follow, but just stand by the car] |
| Linda: |
Hmmm... |
| Bob: |
Where's the... valet? |
| Linda: |
He must be parkiing someone else's car. |
| Bob: |
Ah, here we go. [moves to his right as a man approaches
and stops the man] Take good care of it, please. [puts the keys in the
man's hands] Here's twenty dollars. [the man just stands there. The
family walks into J mart through the center doors] Hoh? [shields his
eyes from the lights] They've activated some kind of alien blinding
device. |
| Token: |
That's not a blinding device, Dad. It's flourescent
lighting. |
| Bob: |
[relaxing] Oh. |
| Linda: |
[calling out] Excuse me, where can where would we find
young men's fashion apparel? [an obese blonde woman appears] |
| Obese Woman: |
Aisle 6, next to the pretzels. |
| Bob: |
[eyes widen] Next to the-?! |
| Token: |
Come on! [runs forth. His parents follow, his father
shielding his eyes. Token stops at a clothes rack and pulls out a pair
of pants] Hey look: there pants are only five bucks apiece. They must
really suck. What do ya think? |
| Linda: |
What, what brand are they? |
| Token: |
It doesn't matter, Mom. They're poor people pants. |
| Randy: |
[nearby with Sharon, who is checking out toilet paper]
Hey, uh, Sharon? Isn't that the Williamses? |
| Sharon: |
[puts the paper in the shopping cart] Huh? [looks to
see] Oh. Yeah, it is. [they see Token look at more pants] What are they
doing here? They can afford to shop at Cherry Creek. [nearby two
shopping carts clash] |
| Liane: |
Do you see that, Sheila? The Williamses are shopping
here. |
| Sheila: |
I don't get it. He must pull in at least two hundred
thousand a year. [others
stop and stare as Token brings out another pair of pants for
comparison. More people stop and stare, and a long silence follows] |
| Bob: |
S-son, can you just hurry it up? I don't think we quite
fit n here. |
| |
[Stan's
house, afternoon. In the living room, six boys are gathered on the
floor around a board game: Clockwise: Craig, Tweek, Clyde, Cartman,
Stan, Kyle] |
| Cartman: |
Oh, looks like you landed on Park Avenue, Stan. You own
me ten million dollars. |
| Token: |
[enters the room] Hey you guys. [has a DVD under his
arm] |
| Stan: |
Oh hey, dude. Did you bring the movie? |
| Cartman: |
Hey, you changed your clothes, Token. |
| Token: |
Yeah, well, you know, I did a little shopping at J mart. |
| Stan: |
[gets up and walks over to Token] Alright, well, let's
just watch the Lion King. Cartman's cheating anyway. [stops next to
Token] |
| Token: |
Here you go. [hands him a DVD disk] |
| Stan: |
[looks at the disk] What's that? |
| Token: |
It's a DVD of the Lion King |
| Stan: |
DVD? We don't own a DVD player. |
| Kyle: |
Yeah, dude. [rises and joins Stan and Token] Nobody
does. They're too expensive. |
| Cartman: |
Not too expensive for Token's rich ass family,
apparently. [the others laugh and gether around Token] |
| Craig: |
Don't you have a VHS of it? |
| Token: |
I only have this. |
| Cartman: |
[takes the DVD and holds it up] Oh, well, let me take
this disk up to the Enterprise and see if Captain Kirk can decrypt it.
[the others laugh] |
| Token: |
What's a VHS? |
| Cartman: |
Oh, Jesus, dude. [Lowers the disk and laughs with the
others] |
| Stan: |
Come on, guys. We'll jsut have to find other stuff to
do. [heads for the door] |
| Kyle: |
[jokingly] What's a VHS? [laughs and the others laugh
as they head for the door. Cartman tosses the DVD to Token, but it just
falls to the floor.] |
| |
[Token
looks at the DVD, then at the boys, then at the DVD. He lets the DVD
case fall to the floor on top of the DVD and leaves the house. Music
comes up as he leaves the Marsh house] |
| Token: |
Why can't I be like all the other kids?
- [sees
Kenny and brother Kevin playing on their lawn. Kenny is flying around
getting dizzy while Kevin plays with a deflated basketball.]
They all have three-bedroom homes, broken trucks on their lawns.
- [hops onto a wooden box and peeks in - he sees
Butters eating]
And cut-up hot dogs for lunch
It's not my fault my parents succeed so much.
- [leaves
the window and walks over to Stark's Pond, then sits and pulls out a
dollar coin from a small collection. The pond has thawed, and lily pods
can be seen on the water. Token tosses the coin, and it skips across
the water. He then walks on and stops across the street from the South
Park Welfare Office. Craig and his family leave the office with their
welfare check as Cartman and mom walk in.]
There's no one in town I can relate to.
I play with autographed baseball bats
- [he fades into a baseball uniform and holds a bat
with Barry Bonds' signature on it]
while everyone else just plays with sticks and pine cones
- [across
the street he sees a baseball game, with Kyle pitching, Cartman
catching, Stan at bat, Clyde in left field, and three other boys.
Sticks and cones are being used. Stan hits the cone. It sails away and
Stan rounds the bases]
Has a boy ever felt so alone?
- [drops his bat and glove and walks away, then stops
and gets a look of determination.]
Well, who needs them anyway? I won't pretend to be something I'm not
- [rushes home and goes to his desk to work on
something - a 2-page tabloid ad extolling South Park as the next Aspen]
If I can't be poor, I've got to deal with what I've got.
If I can't be like them, what I need is more rich kids around,
So I'm not the only one, and then I won't be so... down.
- [he
finishes, puts the ad into a sturdy envelope addressed to Forbes
Magazine Department with some bills, and goes to the window to look at
the sunset. Outside, the camera pulls back from the window]
Please, God, send more rich kids...
To my...
Town
- [As
the camera pulls back, Token's house is shown to be big indeed, with a
three- or four-car garage set back some distance from the street. To
the right, two more houses appear, but they are small next to the
Williams house.]
|
| |
[Next shot, a mansion in the
Hollywood Hills. An address is shown]
[the camera pulls back to show Smith reading Forbes
Magazine]
|
| Will Smith: |
Ooo, look at this, honey. [his wife Jada walks up] A
beautiful unspoiled town in the Rockies. This is just what we've been
looking for! |
| Jada Pinkett
Smith: |
"Like Aspen was 30 years ago." Sounds nice. |
| Will Smith: |
We could buy hundreds of acres of land for next to
nothing! And then I could finally live like a cowboy. |
| Jada Pinkett
Smith: |
Oh Will, the country would be such a nicer place to
raise our kids! |
| Will Smith: |
O kids? [they show up] |
| Older Boy: |
Yes, Daddy? |
| Will Smith: |
How would you like to move to the Colorado Rockies? |
| Older Boy: |
The mountains, Daddy? |
| Girl: |
Can we have horses? |
| Older Boy: |
O can we? Can we Daddy? |
| Will Smith: |
You bet! |
| Kids: |
Hooray! |
| |
[South
Park, soon after, day. A new four-story mansion rises in a new lot. A
crane positions the new fountain in a circular driveway in front of the
mansion. Token grins as he watches the laborers work. A limosine and a
moving truck pull up behind him. Will Smith and family pour out of the
limo] |
| Will Smith: |
Well, here it is. Our home to be. |
| Jada Pinkett
Smith: |
Oh, Will, it's beautiful. |
| Token: |
[turns to greet them] Hi! Welcome to the neighborhood! |
| Will Smith: |
Why thank you, young man. We're the Smiths. |
| Older Boy: |
Ah, a local boy. You shall be our nwe playmate. I'm
Frederick. This is my sister Lisa, and my brother Daniel [the younger
boy grins and waves] |
| Token: |
I'm Token. |
| Lisa: |
Our daddy is a very famous actor. What does your daddy
do? |
| Token: |
Aah, he's a lawyer. I think. |
| Will Smith: |
How quaint. Kids, why don't you play with little Token
while your mother and I check out the town. |
| Frederick: |
Very well. Come, local boy. [the kids move off] Show us
how to play your mountain games. |
| Token: |
All right! [rushes to catch up to them, but returns and
stops] Thanks, God. [runs to catch up with the others] |
| |
[Token's mansion, later. Token
leads the Smith kids on a tour of the mansion] |
| Token: |
...And this is the room where my mom and dad keep their
original v-Van Gogh painting. |
| Frederick: |
Yes, yes, we have one of those, too. In fact, we have
seven of them, I believe. |
| Token: |
[with relief] You do? God, that's great! |
| Daniel: |
Why? |
| Token: |
I'm just so happy you guys moved into town. You see, I
used to be the only rich kid. All the other families here are kinda
[motions a low palm] low to [raises his arm to shoulder level]
middle-income. |
| Lisa: |
Why? What happened to all their money? |
| Token: |
Well, they never really had any money. |
| Lisa: |
Well, then, why don't their daddies just act in a movie? |
| Token: |
Well I... think that.. they... |
| Frederick: |
Sometimes children must be very firm with their daddies. |
| Lisa: |
Indeed. |
| Frederick: |
Like when Daddy doesn't want to act in a movie because
he thinks the script is bad. |
| Lisa: |
So we must plead with him: [falls on her knees]
"Please, Daddy, please! It's twenty million dollard, Daddy." |
| Daniel: |
[falls on his knees] "Please, Daddy, please!" |
| Frederick: |
[falls on his knees] "Twenty million is still twelve
million after taxes, Daddy!" |
| Lisa: |
"I want a llama, Daddy!" |
| Frederick: |
"I'd do the picture, Daddy!" |
| Lisa: |
"Please, Daddy!" |
| Frederick: |
"Daddy, please!" |
| Lisa: |
"Daddy, do the movie, Daddy!" |
| Daniel: |
"But Daddy!" [all three rise] |
| Frederick: |
And so Daddy does the picture. |
| Token: |
...That's ...great. |
| Lisa: |
Twenty million dollars great. |
| |
[A recording studio. A rapper
is laying down some tracks.] |
| Snoop Dogg: |
I found a girl who had an innie and I felt her with my
jimmy
Player-haters try to do me 'cause my rhymes are just tooo- |
| Engineer: |
Sorry, Snoop Dogg, but Will Smith is on line three for
you? |
| Snoop Dogg: |
Oh. [removes his headphones and answers the telephone]
William! How are you buddy? |
| Will Smith: |
[back in South Park on a public phone] Great, Snoop
Dogg, and you? |
| Snoop Dogg: |
Couldn't be better. I'm just laying down some vocals
for my new album. |
| Will Smith: |
[chuckle]
Great, Snoop-Snoop. Listen: Remember how we always talked about wanting
to buy property up in the mountains so our kids could ski and ride
horses? |
| Snoop Dogg: |
Oho yes, the kids bug me about it all the time. |
| Will Smith: |
Well I found the place, Snooty-roo. It's in the
Rockies, but totally undiscovered, laid-back, and beautiful. |
| Snoop Dogg: |
Ogh. It sounds lovely! |
| Will Smith: |
You really should come give it a look. Jada and I would
love for some friends to move here with us. |
| Snoop Dogg: |
I
certainly will, William. And perhaps I'll give ol' Maigc and Kobe
Bryant a call. They've been looking for vacation properties as well. |
| Will Smith: |
Great! Well, let me let you get back to your recording. |
| Snoop Dogg: |
Hah, see you soon. Bye. [hangs up and puts on his
headphones] |
| Will Smith: |
Bye. [hangs up] |
| Snoop Dogg: |
Alright, let's take it from the top, gang. [the rhythm
starts up again and plays for a few seconds...]
I shout "Hell Yeah!" from my vehicle. Livin' is a miracle- |
| |
[South Park, day. Another rich
family moves into town. Jimbo, Ned, and Mr. Garrison watch from across
the street.] |
| Mr. Garrison: |
Look, there's more of them moving into our town. [other
men join these three. Among them are Randy, Gerald, Stuart, and Skeeter]
You know, Oprah Winfrey is building a house up on Cannon, and some
Snoop Doggy Doo Doo buildin' a gigantic place up on Main. |
| Jimbo: |
Yep, there goes the neighborhood. [a shot of the new
family headed for the house] |
| Mr. Garrison: |
That's the fifth family of them that's moved here.
Seems like all of a sudden South Park is being overrun by those types. |
| Gerald: |
Hey! W-what are you saying? What "types"? |
| Mr. Garrison: |
[pointing] Yiou know, those types! Rich people! [shot
of movers and family members moving furniture into the new home] |
| Jimbo: |
Oh. I don't take kindly to rich folk. Neither does Ned. |
| Ned: |
Nnnope. |
| Jimbo: |
I remember back in the day, RICH folk weren't alLOWED
in South Park! Now thery're movin' here in droves! |
| Skeeter: |
They're gonna be sending their kids to our schools, and
mixin' them with our pure, non-rich kids! |
| Mr. Garrison: |
Oh,
yeah, and it won't be long before they drove all of us poor
underachieving people out of town with inflated real-estate costs! |
| Skeeter: |
Damn, I hate those stupid richers! |
| Mr. Garrison: |
Yeah. [calls out] Hey, rich guy! [a
man holding a box of dishes is laughing at something his partner said,
but both men look at Mr. Garrison, and the grin vanishes] Hey, Richie
Rich! Yeah, I'm talkin' to you, richer! What's in the huge box,
richer?! Your checkbook? [the men laugh] |
| Jimbo: |
Yeah. How many rich people does it take to screw in a
light bulb? None! They can hire people to do it for them! [the men
laugh again] |
| Mr. Garrison: |
Yeah.
Hey, hey, you guys know why richers have such big garages? 'Cause they
need a place for all their Porsches and boats and aircraft carriers!
[the men laugh. The two black men just look at this crowd] Yeah, that's
right, cashchucker! Go have fun with your two million dollar house!
[laughs.
The two men across the street look at each other, confused, and go into
the house with the boxes they pulled from the truck] |
| Jimbo: |
I guess we showed them! |
| |
[Another house, nearby. A
crane is positioning a swimming pool. Oprah Winfrey directs the workers
from the edge of the lawn] |
| Oprah Winfrey: |
A little to the left. That's great and- Let's put
another pool over there. [a kid stands across the street, behind Oprah]
Uh huh, good. [close-up in the kid - it's Token. Frederick approaches
him from screen left] |
| Frederick: |
Token, these are Oprah's newly-adopted children,
Dominique and Zizi. |
| Dominique and
Zizi: |
Hello. [Lisa and Daniel join Frederick so that
Dominique and Zizi are behind them] |
| Token: |
Hi. |
| A Boy: |
[enters screen right] Cheerio! |
| Frederick: |
Ah, and these are Puff Daddy's kids: P Diddy Mini, P
Poofy Bite-size, and Poppa Diddy Diddy Puff Fun-size. |
| Token: |
Wow, my plan to get rich people here sure did work.
Hey, I got a great idea! Let's all pack some lunches and go sledding. |
| Lisa: |
Oh no, we're going shopping. |
| The Kids: |
[exulting] Shopping! |
| Frederick: |
Yes, come Token. We're all going to head down to the
mall and buy some of the stores. [the group begins to move screen left
as Token stands there] |
| Token: |
Oh. Alright then. [turns right and joins the group] |
| |
[The
local bar, night. It's pretty busy, with people chatting away and
enjoying their beer. Some motion is seen outside the doors, and soon
they open. Three rich men enter and scan the bar, then move to a nearby
table and sit. One of them is Kobe Bryant] |
| Kobe Bryant: |
'Scuse me, can ew get a couple of beers here? [the
jukebox stops and all the bar patrons look at the new guests.] |
| Skeeter: |
They've got nice expensive beers for you across the
street at the new Wolfgang Puck's. |
| Kobe Bryant: |
That's alright, we just want some cheap beer tonight.
[the men at the bar glare at the three men] |
| Barkeep: |
...Maybe you didn't see the sign out front: This bar is
for people livin' below their means ONLY! |
| Men: |
Yeah! |
| Kobe Bryant: |
This is a free country. I can have a drink wherever I
want. |
| Man 1: |
[stands up and urges] Come on, Kobe, let's just go. |
| Kobe Bryant: |
[]This ain't over! This ain't over by a long shot!
[leads his two friends out of the bar] |
| Mr. Garrison: |
[turns to the bar with the others next to him] Those
richers are getting snooty. We've got to show those richers they're not
welcome here! |
| Ned: |
Nn-what do you mean? |
| Mr. Garrison: |
How about tonight, we sneak up to one of their houses,
and right on their lawn we'll set fire to a big lowercase t! |
| Jimbo: |
Lowercase t? |
| Mr. Garrison: |
Yeah, for "time to leave"! |
| Bar Patrons: |
Yeah! |
| Mr. Garrison: |
Jimbo, you take some folk and build a big wooden
lowercase t! I'll take the rest and get some gas and torches ready! |
| Mr. Garrison: |
Alright! |
| |
[Kobe's
mansion, night. Through a bay window he's seen reading his newspaper in
an armchair near a fireplace. A FOOM is heard and a flicker of light is
reflected on the walls outside Kobe's house. He notices, takes a hard
look, rises from his chair and goes to the front door. He opens it,
annoyed, but his expression changes to one of fright. He sees the
lowercase t burning on the lawn] |
| Kobe Bryant: |
Tee. T- Time to- leave? |
| Mr. Garrison: |
[from some bushes across the street] T is for "time to
leave," cashchucker! |
| Kobe Bryant: |
I'm callin' the police. [moves inside to make the call] |
| Skeeter: |
I think we scared 'im. |
| Jimbo: |
Yeah. Next house we'll do a capital T, to show 'em we
REALLY mean business! |
| Men: |
Yeah! |
| |
[South Park, new polo grounds,
day. A group of rich kids gather to begin a polo game. They all ride on
ponies.] |
| Frederick: |
Now Token, polo is very simple. You simply must hit the
williard into some cilium with your fracaman. |
| Token: |
Well, yeah, but can't we just play without these
uncomfortable uniforms? [the other players laugh] |
| Frederick: |
[playfully jabs Token] "Can't we play without the
uniforms?" Yes, um. Lert's eat caviar without Bellini's as well! [the
others laugh] Now come, Token, and remeber: it doesn't matter who wins.
It matters who wins three times in a row. Tally ho! |
| Players: |
Tally ho! |
| Player 1: |
Oh! |
| Player 2: |
Yay! |
| Player 3: |
This is exciting. |
| Player 4: |
Oh, Frederick, this is wonderful! |
| Cartman: |
What in the hell are they doing? |
| Kyle: |
Is that fun? |
| Stan: |
I don't know. We don't have horses, so we can't play. |
| Cartman: |
Well, let's just play our game, then. |
| Kyle: |
Alright. |
| Cartman: |
Alright, I'll start. I'll kick you in the nuts, Kenny!
[goes over and kicks Kenny in the nuts - Roshambo has begin!] |
| Kenny: |
(Ow!) |
| Kyle: |
I'll kick you in the nuts, Stan! [goes and does so.
Kenny kicks Cartman in the nuts. Cartman returns the favor] |
| Stan: |
I'll kick you in the nuts, Cartman! [leaves Kyle and
kicks Cartman in the nuts. When he turns around Kenny kicks him in the
nuts.] |
| Cartman: |
Kick his nutsack! [kicks
Kyle in the nuts. Stan kicks Kenny in the nuts. Token rides up and
stops to watch the boys while the game continues. Soon, a player and
horse ram into his and knocks him and his horse away - It's Frederick.] |
| Frederick: |
You see, you must pay attention, Token. I was able to
jollyrow your davishmere with a forecastle. |
| Token: |
[rises and dusts himself off as his horse leaves] This
game is too confusing. How about we have a snowball fight? |
| Player: |
A snowball fight? |
| Lisa: |
How barbaric. |
| Frederick: |
Yes, Token, if you want to play such savage games, I
suggest you go live with lions. [the other players laugh at him as we
turns wand walks away from them.] |
| Token: |
I don't fit in anywhere. |
| |
[South Park, another part of
town. Bill Cosby and his two kids] |
| Bill Cosby: |
-ar. We're going to the zoo, and we can eat Jerro
pudding. [a bus pulls up and he and his kids enter. They find a few
seats in the back and head there.] Ah, this is goin' to be fun kids.
We're goin' to the zoo, we could eat the Jerro pudding and chocolate
cake. |
| Passenger 1: |
Hey! What are you doing? If you're going to ride the
bus in South Park, you're gonna have to sit in the FRONT! |
| Passengers: |
Yeah |
| Passenger 2: |
Yeah, that's where the first-class seating is! [points
to the front. The Cosbys rise and head for the front, where four seats
are empty. His daughter takes a seat to his left, across the aisle, his
son takes a window seat, and he takes the aisle seat next to his son.] |
| Passenger 1: |
Yeah. How do you like that, richer?! |
| Bill Cosby: |
Well it's very nice, actually |
| Passenger 1: |
Yeah, I'll bet it is! |
| Bill Cosby: |
Very, very comfy. |
| Passenger 1: |
Uh huh, looks like it. |
| |
[A field, a while later. Token
stands there talking to someone] |
| Token: |
Hello,
my name is Token. I don't fit in with all the kids at South Park
Elementary so, I invited a bunch of rich kids to move to town. The
problem is, I don't fit in with them, either. That's why I've come to
live with you. [the camera pulls back to reveal the field is
actually a lion's lair. A sign outside the lair says AFRICANUS LIONUS
CARNIVORUS. A waterfall gurgles nearby and lions laze about] So if
you'll have me and raise me as one of your own, I promise to be the
best lion I could be. [two lions growl at him] Uuuh, yeah. |
| |
[Chef's house, day. Chef is
seen shoveling snow off his driveway] |
| Chef: |
Shovel
that snow, babih, it's all nice, heavy and wet. Just- [he hears voices
and spins around. A group of rich folk are marching in protest] |
| Millionaire
Protesters: |
We shall perservere. We shall perservere. |
| Oprah Winfrey: |
You there, come march with us! |
| Chef: |
For what? |
| Oprah Winfrey: |
All the poor people in town think they can persecute
and harass us decent rich folk. |
| Will Smith: |
So we're uniting and marching on the town square! |
| Kobe Bryant: |
[raises his fist a la Black Power] The Million
Millionaire March! |
| Millionaire
Protesters: |
Yeah! |
| Oprah Winfrey: |
Come on, brother! [the protesters resume the march] |
| Chef: |
But... I'm not rich. |
| Will Smith: |
[stops and looks at Chef] What? [the others stop] |
| Chef: |
I'm just a school cafeteria chef. Ahah I don't make
much money. |
| Will Smith: |
We'll give you a hundred dollars. |
| Chef: |
Woo, fudge the snow now. [tosses the shovel away and
joins the march] |
| Millionaire
Protesters: |
We shall perservere. We shall perservere. |
| Chef: |
[with the others] I shall perservere. We shall
perservere. |
| |
[The lions' lair at the zoo,
later. Token takes a raw steak and bites into it, growling] |
| Token: |
RRrrr!! [rips a piece of steak off with his teeth and
chews on it] |
| Girl: |
[rushes up to the lair cage] Look at the little black
lion, Mommy. [her mother passes by with her little sister in a stroller] |
| Mom: |
He's cute, isn't he? [the
girl rejoins her mom and walks away. Two lions growl at each other and
stand up, then leap down off their rock and stand next to Token. He
move his steak out of their reach] |
| Token: |
Roar! [the lions step back and look at each other] |
| Lion 1: |
What are you doing here, boy? |
| Token: |
You- you talked. I, I understood you. I must be
becoming a lion! |
| Lion 2: |
You're not becoming a lion. The only way you can do
that is to see Aslan. |
| Token: |
Who's Aslan? |
| Lion 1: |
Very well, walk this way. [they
walk off, and Token gets on all fours to follow them. They go through a
low entrance into a white cave in the middle of which sits a great lion
- Aslan] |
| Aslan: |
[regal voice] Is this the boy who's been living in our
realm? |
| Lion 2: |
Yes. [two other lions come in and watch] |
| Token: |
Are... you... Aslan? |
| Aslan: |
M-I am. |
| Token: |
[rises] Well, I'm Token |
| Aslan: |
So, you want to live with the lions, do you? |
| Token: |
Yes. Um. Great Aslan. I don't fit in anywhere else. |
| Aslan: |
And what makes you think you can fit it with us? |
| Token: |
Well, I don't know. |
| Aslan: |
Do you like jokes? |
| Token: |
What? |
| Aslan: |
Jokes! You know, funny, hahaaa. Us lions love jokes. |
| Token: |
...I like jokes a lot. |
| Aslan: |
Mmm.
Then there may be hoipe in you yet, young apprentice lion. Very well.
We wihill let you stay, if... you can pull this thorn from my paw.
[holds up his left paw. Token looks at it, and Aslan moves it closer to
him] Go on, try it. Pull my thorn! Come on! Pull my thorm! [Token
approaches it and pulls the thron out. Aslan farts and the two escort
lions snicker softly] Ho ho ho ho ho ho! Ho ho! [the other lions burst
out laughing] |
| Token: |
So can I stay? |
| Aslan: |
He-you may. But being a lion may be harder than you
think. |
| |
[The
local bar, later. The bar patrons watch a TV as a report is heard. Seen
are Mr. Garrison, Randy, Stuart, Skeeter, Gerald, Jimbo, and Ned.] |
| Reporter: |
[not seen yet] A billion billionaires are gathering
their ranks and will be marchng on the town square tonight [now seen on
TV]
in South Park to petition the end of separate bars, bus seating and
restaurants. It looks like it will be a great turnout, as some of the
millionaires also paid several thousand Mexicans to march for them. [a
marcher carrying a rake and shover hears this and turns around] |
| Skeeter: |
If they get that petition passed, it's all over. |
| Jimbo: |
I guess we learned our lesson: you can't fight rich
folk; they're just too powerful. |
| Mr. Garrison: |
Now, come on! Is that any way to talk? |
| Skeeter: |
They won, Garrison. They can't be scared out of town. |
| Mr. Garrison: |
No! We just haven't scared them the right way! Think
about it. What scares rich people more than anything? [the other men
think about this for a second] |
| Jimbo: |
...Ghosts? |
| Mr. Garrison: |
Bingo! Rich people don't want to live in South Park if
they think it's HAUNTED! |
| Men: |
Yeah! |
| Mr. Garrison: |
Everyonen get some sheets from home! If we can't chase
the richers out, we'll spook 'em out! |
| Men: |
Alright! Yeah! Let's Go! Right! |
| |
[The
zoo, lion's lair, night. The lions have eaten and lay about on the
boulders. One by one, they belch and the others laugh. Token sets his
bowl down...] |
| Token: |
Huuuunh [...and walks over to Aslan] Aslan. |
| Aslan: |
Yes? What is it, young lion apprentice? |
| Token: |
...I thnk I'm gonna go home now. |
| Aslan: |
Home. But I thought your friends made fun of you at
home. |
| Token: |
They
do. But, I guess I learned something today. You see, even though kids
at South Park make fun of me, I still like hanging around them more
than snobby rich kids or, lions. Even though I may be different from
them, I still like my old friends best. |
| Aslan: |
It sounds like you learned much, young lion apprentice.
Very well. But before you go, perhaps you would like... a stick of gum? |
| Token: |
[recalling that lions love jokes] ...No thanks. |
| Aslan: |
Go on. It's spearmint! |
| Token: |
No, because there's a spring in there, and if I pull
the gum out, it's gonna hurt my finger. |
| Aslan: |
Oh. So you don't want any gum then? Are you... sure? Go
on, try it! |
| Token: |
[pulls the stick out of the pack, and a small
spring-loaded bar hits his thumb] Ow. [half-heartedly] |
| Aslan: |
[leads the other lions in a bout of hysterics] That is
good stuhuff! [continues laughing with the other lions] |
| Token: |
[under his breath, as he leaves the lair] Jesus, lions
suck! |
| |
[South Park town square,
night, in front of the Mayor's office. The billionaires are present,
and Will Smith is at the podium] |
| Will Smith: |
And so it is with great determination that us decent
rich Americans have gathered to say: "We will be separated no more!" |
| Millionaires: |
Hooray! |
| Mayor
McDaniels: |
This certainly has been an enlightening evening. And as
Mayor, I accept your petition and will abolish all separation laws. |
| Millionaires: |
Yeah! |
| Mayor
McDaniels: |
And I want to assure the nation that is watching that
South Park is not a town of prejudice or bigotry. |
| Voices: |
Woooooo!! ["ghosts"
appear from behind the various town buildings and rush towards the
millioaire crowd. They surround the crowd, still makign ghost noises.
The millionaires are startled] |
| Oprah Winfrey: |
What the-? |
| Mayor
McDaniels: |
[shuts her eyes] God no. [Will Smith moves around not
knowing what to do. A "ghost" spooks him] |
| Will Smith: |
AAAaaahhh! [the "ghosts" begin to disperse the
millionaires] |
| Millionaire 1: |
Carl, do you see what I see? |
| Carl: |
Yes, Martin. I do believe this town is hainted. [two
"ghosts" come up and startle Martin and Carl. Nearby, Will Smith's kids
stand in a huddle, scared] |
| Will Smith: |
Kids! Go find the limo and get in! [the kids hurry off.] |
| Snoop Dogg: |
[walks up to Smith] You didn't tell me this town was
hainted! |
| Will Smith: |
I didn't know! [grabs Snoop and shakes him] I..
DIDN'T... KNOHOHOHOW... [both
men turn and flee as several "ghosts" move in on them. The "ghosts"
take their sheets off: it's Skeeter, Mr. Garrison, Gerald, and Randy] |
| Skeeter: |
It's working! |
| Gerald: |
They're scared to death! |
| |
[A
mansion, the same one Mr. Garrison and the men saw earlier as they
commented on the new richers moving in, night. The family rushes
towrads the front door] |
| Millionaire: |
Pack up your things quickly! We've got to get out of
here! [some "ghosts" pop out from the bushes and drive the family away
with their haunting noises.] |
| |
[The
town, night. "Ghosts" continue to chase the millionaires around. In the
background, Stan leads a group of boys down the street. With him are
Kyle, Cartman, Butters, Pip, Tweek, Clyde, and Craig] |
| Stan: |
Oh hey, there's Token. [Token approaches them from the
opposite direction] |
| Token: |
Hey guys. |
| Stan: |
Dude, we're gonna play football. Do you wanna play? |
| Token: |
You mean, you want me around? |
| Stan: |
Sure, dude, you're our friend. |
| Token: |
Yeah, I know. But you guys always rip on me for bein'
rich. |
| Stan: |
Dude, just because we rip on you for being rich doesn't
mean we don't like you. |
| Kyle: |
Yeah. We're guys, dude. We find something about all our
friends to rip on. We made fun of you for being rich just like we make
fun of Butters for being wimpy. |
| Butters: |
They sure do. |
| Stan: |
Yeah, like we rip on Kyle for being a Jew. |
| Kyle: |
Right. |
| Token: |
That's right, huh? |
| Kyle: |
And Stan for being in love with Wendy. |
| Stan: |
Yeah, I get it for that. |
| Kyle: |
And Cartman for being fat |
| Cartman: |
Uh huh. |
| Kyle: |
And Cartman for being stupid |
| Cartman: |
Yeah. |
| Kyle: |
And Cartman for having a whore for a mom. |
| Cartman: |
Hey! |
| Kyle: |
And Cartman for being a sadistic asshole |
| Cartman: |
Ey, you did me already! |
| Token: |
You're right, guys. From now on, I'm fine with being
made fun of for being rich. |
| Stan: |
Oh, but we're not gonna rip on you for being rich
anymore. |
| Token: |
You're not? |
| Kyle: |
No dude. Because since you got your feelings so hurt
for being ripped on, now we think you're a pussy. |
| Stan: |
[walks past Token] Yeah, so now you're a pussy.
Pussaholic. |
| Kyle: |
[walks past Token, behind Stan] Come on, Nurse Token.
We're gonna play football, you puss. |
| Cartman: |
[walks past Token, behind Kyle] Pussy. [Pip walks by
without saying anything] |
| Butters: |
[walks past Token, behind Pip] Heh yeah, later, puss. |
| Craig: |
[walks past Token, behind Butters] Ha, that guy's a
pussy. [drags
a sled behnd him. On the sled is Kenny, dead and badly beat up, with
his right eye hanging out of its socket. Tweek and Clyde bring up the
rear, and Token looks as they leave him behind] |
| Token: |
[turns to face the other boys] Wait! I liked being
ripped on for being rich better! [walks behind the other boys] |
| |
[The
rich enclave, later. The men of South Park have succeeded in chasing
the rich folks out of town, and they gather in front of a mansion. They
take off their sheets] |
| Skeeter: |
That was it. We just saw the last of them speeding away
in a van! |
| Men: |
Alright! |
| Gerald: |
They were so scared, I'm sure they'll never be back! |
| Mr. Garrison: |
That's great! And now we can sell all their homes, and
become... millionaires! |
| Men: |
[confused] What? |
| Jimbo: |
But
then you had us do all that for nothin'. Don't you see: If you get rich
sellin' these homes, then there will still be rich people in South Park. |
| Randy: |
Yeah. You'd become what you hate. |
| Mr. Garrison: |
Well yeah, but at least I got rid of all those damn ni- |
| |
[End of Here Comes the
Neighborhood] |
